Can you correct my mistakes?

Question

Can you have a look at the following letter and correct mistakes?

A formal letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your English course advert which I found in the newspaper two days ago. I am interested in this course because I want to pass my A level exams and I need to improve my language. What is more, I like English very much.
Could you give me some more information about teaching methods? Have you got any successes in this field?
If I decide to attend this course, when does it start? What levels of teaching do you have? I am not good at English so a lower level would be the best. I would be grateful if you could send me a leaflet in order to show it to my parents. I need you mobile phone as well.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have struck out inappropriate wording and underlined some problem areas. Please fix them and post your revised letter here.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your English course advert ~~which I found~~ in the newspaper two days ago. I am interested in this course because I want to pass my A level exams and I need to improve my language. What is more, I like English very much.
Could you give me some more information about teaching methods? Have you got any successes in this field?
~~If I decide to attend this course,~~ when does it start? What levels of teaching do you have? I am not good at English so a lower level would be the best. I would be grateful if you could send me a leaflet ~~in order to show it to my parents~~. ~~I need you mobile phone as well~~.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,

Layla1234 · Answer

I corrected some mistakes and changes some words. Is it ok now?
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your English course advertisement or advertised in the newspaper two days ago. I am interested in this course because I want to pass my A level exams and I need to improve my language. What is more, I like English very much.
Could you give me some more information about teaching methods? Have you got any success in this field?
~~If I decide to attend this course,~~ when does it start? What levels of courses do you offer? I am not good at English so a lower level would be the best. I would be grateful if you could send me a brochure~~in order to show it to my parents~~. ~~I need you mobile phone as well~~.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,

Mister Micawber · Answer

Yes, much better!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your English course advertisement /advertised in the newspaper on [date]. I am interested in this course because I want to pass my A level exams and I need to improve my language. What is more, I like English very much.

Could you give me some more information about your successful teaching methods? When does your course start? What levels of courses do you offer? I am not good at English so a lower level would be the best. I would be grateful if you could send me a brochure.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Can you correct my mistakes?

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