Can you correct my grammar?

Question

Hi,Can you correct my grammar?The two major parties in Ohio are the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. These two parties are evenly represented in the Ohio government. In the Ohio State Senate the Republicans have the firm control, while in the Ohio House of Representatives it is the Democrats who control the delegation. The Ohio Congressional Delegation is relatively pared as well because there are 10 representatives who are Democrats and 8 who are Republicans. Ohio was important to President George W. Bush’s election chances, as it was a state he won by nearly 4 points in 2000 and by the fact that no Republican has ever been elected President without winning Ohio.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

The two major parties in the US are the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. These two parties are evenly represented in the Ohio government. In the Ohio State Senate, the Republicans have firm control, while in the Ohio House of Representatives, it is the Democrats who control the legislature.

The Ohio Congressional representation is relatively balanced as well, because there are 10 Democratic representatives and 8 Republicans.

Ohio was important to President George W. Bush's election, as it was a state he won by nearly 4 points in 2000. No Republican has ever been elected President without winning Ohio.

Avangi · Answer

mumi-girl The two major parties in Ohio are the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. These two parties are evenly represented in the Ohio government. Okay.

In the Ohio State Senate the Republicans have ~~the~~ a firm control, while in the Ohio House of Representatives it is the Democrats who control the delegation."The firm control" assumes there always is such a thing. But there may well not be.

The Ohio Congressional Delegation is relatively ~~paired~~ balanced as well because there are 10 representatives who are Democrats and 8 who are Republicans. May we assume that "as well" has an antecedent, perhaps in prior context? Do you mean, "X is paired" and Y is also paired"? or do you mean, "X is [uneducated] and X is also paired"?

Ohio was important to President George W. Bush’s election chances, as it was a state he won by nearly 4 points in 2000 and by the fact that no Republican has ever been elected President without winning Ohio. If you mean "electoral points," I think you should say so - unless the expression is used in prior context.
Your management of the three clauses doesn't exactly work. The second and third clauses both explain the first one. But "and by the fact that" doesn't serve as a proper conjunction to balance "as," in my opinion. You might consider, "and because of the fact that."

Perhaps someone else has a better idea.

Avangi · Answer

Sorry, MrM.  For some reason your post wasn't showing.  <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/37.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/37.gif' alt='Emotion: thinking'/>  - A.

Avangi · Answer

Edit. Re "as well," no problem here! Somehow I failed to pick up on "state" vs. "federal."
That is, the state is balanced, and the federal as well.
Sorry.

Mumi-girl · Answer

Thanks for the help!

could you help me with this one also?

Ohio was first inhabited by the Indians also celled the Iroquois Confederation. After the so called Beaver Wars in the mid-1600s, the Iroquois claimed much of the Ohio country as hunting and beaver-trapping ground.

During the 18th century, the French set up a system of trading posts to control the fur trade between the Indians and Europeans.

In 1754, France and Great Britain fought a war that was known in North America as the French and Indian War. As a result of the Treaty of Paris in 1783, Britain ceded all claims to Ohio country to the United States and on the 1. March 1803 Ohio was admitted as the 17^th state in US.

Avangi · Answer

mumi-girl Ohio was first inhabited by ~~the~~ a group of Indians ~~also celled~~ called the Iroquois Confederation. After the so-called Beaver Wars in the mid-1600s, the Iroquois claimed much of the Ohio country as hunting and beaver-trapping ground.

During the 18th century, the French set up a system of trading posts to control the fur trade between the Indians and Europeans.

In 1754, France and Great Britain fought a war that was known in North America as the French and Indian War. As a result of the Treaty of Paris in 1783, Britain ceded all claims to Ohio country to the United States , and on ~~the 1.~~ March 1, 1803 , Ohio was admitted as the 17^th state in the US. To the best of my knowledge, expressions like "the Ohio country" do not necessarily describe legal boundaries.
Does your material mention a term such as "The Ohio Territory," which would be much more appropriate in describing a region involved in legal treaties?

Mumi-girl · Answer

Thank you for the help.

I found the trerm "The Ohio country" on the internet, so i dont have other material. But i think you are maybe right about that it's better if i used the term " the Ohio territory".

Avangi · Answer

Note:  In the US, it's called "The French and Indian War," but in Canada (a part of North America rather involved in the conflict) it's called "The Seven Years' War," or (especially in Quebec) "The War of the Conquest."

Mumi-girl · Answer

okay, thanks <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' alt='Emotion: big smile'/>

Avangi · Answer

One more:
I'd say "the Ohio country" would be okay in describing the events of the 1600's, before legal boundaries were considered.
Also, note the apostrophe in "1600's," which I believe is the correct form.

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