Can you correct my CAE essay/ give me any tips on how to improve it

Nowadays there are many children who don't exercise regularly, this has a negative toll on their health since physical activities aren't only beneficial for the body but also for the mind. So what are the ways we can motivate children to participate in sports regularly?

First of all many children don't take part in regular exercise not because they're not willing to but because they just don't have the opportunity to do so. Sports centres can charge hefty amounts of money and many families who may have a single or unstable income aren't able to spend big sums of money to allow their children to do sports. This is why government funding would definitely be incredibly useful to families who require financial aid. Government funding would give all children the possibility of staying fit by exercising on a regular basis.

In addition schools also play an important role since they should introduce children to the benefits of exercise. Though many schools don't portray sports has they should be portrayed. In fact they are frequently rendered to competitive, this leads to the birth of inequalities among children thus making sports a lot less enjoyable. Schools should teach children the proper attitude towards exercise and sport without making it a matter of who wins and looses, school shoulde encourage children to do their best and join in no matter how good or bad they are at a certain physical activity.

To sum up, I believe that government funding is essential to motivate children to do regular exercise evacuees in this way every child has equal opportunities to get involved in a sport. Exercise should be open to all children not just the ones that come from a more privileged background.