Can you check out my poem and comment
Misery
Troubled, beaten, I ponder
Beaten and it is bitter-our lives
Sadness fills the void
The void drained by boredom
Ransacked by the Emperors
Empty, we are, without love
Air sweeps in not to save -
But didn’t it kill our patience?
Toxins crawl up through our feast
We inhale, as exhale is forbidden
Cavities remark our beauty
Our need for it to dwell on us remarks-
our grotesqueness
It rains, all of a sudden
We wonder why
Was it the Devil above laughing?
“God” the commoners blabber
They smiled and told us-
“Life is a gift”
We couldn’t do none but giggle
......
Top answer
Nice work. I do have a few comments. I don't know how a void can be drained.
- Nice work.
- I do have a few comments.
- I don't know how a void can be drained.
- There's nothing in it; it's a void.
- I don't understand the use of the word "remark" in the poem.
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Nice work. I do have a few comments. I don't know how a void can be drained. There's nothing in it; it's a void. I don't understand the use of the word "remark" in the poem. I'm lost there. Your final sentence should use "anything" instead of "none."
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