Can you check my writing task 2 for me , please?

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Owing to the advent of technology , human beings seem not to live without it,especially, mobile phone is extremely vital for everyone in all ages.Some think that children are not allowed to use their phone at school. Others claim that children have the right to use it.The essay will discuss both views of the problem and my opinion will be given below.

On the one hand, there are two fundamental reasons why some think children have the right to use their phone at school.The first reason is that children can discover new knowledge to open their mind everywhere on their phones instead of going to the library. As a result , teenagers can internalize new lessons easily and give constructive speech actively to make lectures more interesting.Furthermore, mobile phone can assist children to entertain with their friends during the breaktime.Thus, from their perspectives, there is no good reason to ban it.

However,I concur with the view that children need restricting to use mobile phones at school. This is simply because using phone unlimitedly make the children not concentrate on the lesson seriously. Additionally, using phones can create conditions for the children to copy when doing the exams. Therefore, using phones would have some negative impacts on studying such as bad points ; mental and physical health. For these reasons , school should regulate the use of phone to prevent this scenario.

In conclusion,although some people maintain that children should be entitled to use phone as they wish, I support the view that school should restrict the use of mobile phone with children because of not cheating in the exams and concentrating on the lessons more.