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Peek Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

can you check my short story.

I was just passing through and thought to stop by Allison's house. I walked into the doorstop and rang the bell. I paused momentarily, and knock on the door. I had to do it few times. But no one answered. She must be here, because her car was in the garage. She never goes anyway without her car. So I decide to get into the house through the kitchen window. As soon as I get into the kitchen, I heard a noise. It is as if someone is mourning. I headed to her room right away. She was lying on the bed. Her face paled, and she is not looking good. Suddenly, I saw a shadow in the window. Someone was peering through the window, and at that instant, I heard police car pulling over the outside house. Looks like the neighbor saw I had got into the house through the window, must have thought I was a theft, and called the cops. Unfortunately, for me, I almost got arrested that day. but not for my friend. I saved her life. That day will live in my memory as long as I live.
  

Top answer

I was just passing through and thought to stop by Allison's house. I walked into [up] to the doorstop doorstep and rang the bell. I paused momentarily suggest briefly , and knock knocked on the door.

  • I was just passing through and thought to stop by Allison's house.
  • I walked into [up] to the doorstop doorstep and rang the bell.
  • I paused momentarily suggest briefly , and knock knocked on the door.
  • I had to do it knocked few several times.
  • But no one answered.
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7 Answers
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I was just passing through and thought to stop by Allison's house. I walked into [up] to the doorstop doorstep and rang the bell. I paused momentarily suggest briefly , and knock knocked on the door. I had to do it knocked few several times. But
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(I got a paper bag and breathe hard) does this make sense PLEASE Help
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No it doesn't, and neither does hijacking someone else's thread with an unrelated question.

Post your question separately in a new thread.

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Thanks. I appreciate your help. it's a great encouragement, and can you kindly check this short passage too.

I was walking along the sidewalk, and sun was peeping out from the clouds. It was about 6.00 AM, and was getting light as usual. I saw two kids were fighting with each other about their breakfast. The conflicts between those two kids were getting more and more often, not only at th
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I was walking along the sidewalk, and the sun was peeping out from the clouds. It was about 6.00 AM a.m., and the sky was getting light as usual. I saw two kids were fighting with each other (unnecessary) about over their breakfast food.
(Suggest new paragraph here)

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I need a Open response help me
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I don't understand what you're asking for.

You'll get more help if you register with the site and set up a username and profile. Many people on this site prefer to help users with usernames and profiles, rather than anonymous users.

You should ask your questions more politely. Remember that we are all volunteers. If you're rude, many of us will ignore you.

Do not hijack

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