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Domdom Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Can you check my long writing, please?
???I got the idea from a song called 'Jackie' by Placebo. I know this is a quite long writing.
?It was a cold and dark night. Jackie was preparing to go sailing, putting on his boots as usual. There was a heavy rain. I remember he said he would be home right after sailing. And he went. I waited for him to come back, but he didn't. It was about 4 a.m. The next day, a light of the sun was on my face when I opened my eyes. I got up and looked around. It was afternoon. I opened each door in the house to check if he had come back from sailing. He wasn't anywhere. I waited days and nights. I listened attentively to every sounds. Footsteps outside the door, the barking of dogs, the creaking of a postman's bicycle and even the boiling of a kettle in my kitchen. All sounds became the sounds of him. Three days later, an young man came and said, "your Jackie's gone. He's lost in the rain". I ran to the beach. Tears were trickling down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I could see only a few of people on the beach, but not Jackie. He had to be there as I believed. I prayed he would be somewhere on the sand, see me, come up to me and say "I'm sorry, the sea was so beautiful that I didn't right come back home", even if it was a silly joke. I stared at the sea where he wasn't at. He left me all alone telling me he would be home. I saw his face in the crowd and heard his voice from anywhere since that day. People used to give me a weird and crazy look whenever I waited him on the shores. I said, "you're all wrong. He knows the sea like the back of his hand. He'll be back sometime, laughing at you", as they stared to the sand. I ran to the sea the next day, the next day, and the next day. I never laid down. Now, I've been dead for twenty years. It feels like yesterday. I've been crying as much as my ghostly tears wash the sand away. I've been waiting all this time for my man to come, take his hand in mine and lead me away to unseen shores where only we know. I cry as much as my salty tears wash the sand searching the shores these long years. I will be walking the sea forevermore till I find my Jackie. Because he has been sailing for a hundred years. / Because he has sailed for a hundred years.
Thank you for reading my writing!
?It was a cold and dark night. Jackie was preparing to go sailing, putting on his boots as usual. There was a heavy rain. I remember he said he would be home right after sailing. And he went. I waited for him to come back, but he didn't. It was about 4 a.m. The next day, a light of the sun was on my face when I opened my eyes. I got up and looked around. It was afternoon. I opened each door in the house to check if he had come back from sailing. He wasn't anywhere. I waited days and nights. I listened attentively to every sounds. Footsteps outside the door, the barking of dogs, the creaking of a postman's bicycle and even the boiling of a kettle in my kitchen. All sounds became the sounds of him. Three days later, an young man came and said, "your Jackie's gone. He's lost in the rain". I ran to the beach. Tears were trickling down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I could see only a few of people on the beach, but not Jackie. He had to be there as I believed. I prayed he would be somewhere on the sand, see me, come up to me and say "I'm sorry, the sea was so beautiful that I didn't right come back home", even if it was a silly joke. I stared at the sea where he wasn't at. He left me all alone telling me he would be home. I saw his face in the crowd and heard his voice from anywhere since that day. People used to give me a weird and crazy look whenever I waited him on the shores. I said, "you're all wrong. He knows the sea like the back of his hand. He'll be back sometime, laughing at you", as they stared to the sand. I ran to the sea the next day, the next day, and the next day. I never laid down. Now, I've been dead for twenty years. It feels like yesterday. I've been crying as much as my ghostly tears wash the sand away. I've been waiting all this time for my man to come, take his hand in mine and lead me away to unseen shores where only we know. I cry as much as my salty tears wash the sand searching the shores these long years. I will be walking the sea forevermore till I find my Jackie. Because he has been sailing for a hundred years. / Because he has sailed for a hundred years.
Thank you for reading my writing!
Top answer
It was a cold and dark night. Jackie was preparing to go sailing, putting on his boots as usual. There wa s h eavy rain.
- It was a cold and dark night.
- Jackie was preparing to go sailing, putting on his boots as usual.
- There wa s h eavy rain.
- I remember he said he would be home right after sailing.
- And he went.
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3 Answers
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It was a cold and dark night. Jackie was preparing to go sailing, putting on his boots as usual. There was heavy rain. I remember he said he would be home right after sailing. And he went. I waited for him to come back, but he didn't. It was about 4 a.m. The next day, a light of the sun was on the sun was shining onto my face when I opened my eyes. I got up and looked arou
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Thank you for your correction! It really helps me. And can I ask a question?
The young man came
Said your Jackie's gone he's lost in the rain
And I ran to the beach
(Laid me down)
You're all wrong, I said as they stared
To
teechr He'll be back sometime, laughing at you", as they stared to at the sand.And I remember the day that
The young man came
Said your Jackie's gone he's lost in the rain
And I ran to the beach
(Laid me down)
You're all wrong, I said as they stared
To
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I have no idea. Song lyrics are notorious to decipher at the best of times. I also wouldn't recommend learning your English from them. You stare at something, not to something. Learn that!
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