Can you check my IELTS Task 2 Essay ?

Please check my work if you have time and please give me a band score if you can. Thank you in advance.

Topic:

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that many young people participate in volunteer work, and this is beneficial for these individuals themselves as well as society as a whole. However, I completely disagree with the idea of forcing all teenagers to do unpaid work.

The first reason is that most adolescents already have to deal with a tremendous amount of work related to their studies and making them work in their spare time can result in stress. Other than attending classes and revising for exams, students also have to handle extra tasks assigned to them. For example, teachers may ask their students to prepare for a presentation or carry out group projects, which can be time-consuming and require a lot of efforts. If these young people have to work in their spare time, they may experience stress and become exhausted from such activities.

At the same time, obliging young people to do unpaid work can result in them having negative reactions. If they are forced to do something against their will, it is likely that they will be unhappy as they feel that they have no freedom over their leisure time. In other words, this will only cause resentment among these young people and make them hate volunteering activities. As a result, they may carry out their work poorly or even skip their tasks to do what they want, which may also encourage their peers to do the same.

In conclusion, I believe that teenagers should not be compelled to take part in unpaid work because they are already under enormous pressure with their schoolwork and making these activities compulsory can sometimes bring about adverse effects to the teenagers.