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Mgendler Posted 14 years ago
Letter Writing
Can someone tell me if this is correct?
Hi...can someone tell me if this paragraph is grammatically correct and makes sense? Thanks!
As a result of our meetings, my desire to become a part of xyz company has strengthened. I was particularly impressed with your company's established presence within the xyz industry, as well as strong prospects for growth. Additionally, I found the potential of being part of such a results-oriented team extremely exciting. I truly feel that it is within the fast-paced environment that xyz company competes in, performing the required functions as expected to not only meet but exceed the expectations of the position, that my skill sets would be best utilized. In short, I hope you have all viewed my candidacy in a positive light so that I can quickly become a contributing member to the company as a whole and, in particular, the xyz group.
As a result of our meetings, my desire to become a part of xyz company has strengthened. I was particularly impressed with your company's established presence within the xyz industry, as well as strong prospects for growth. Additionally, I found the potential of being part of such a results-oriented team extremely exciting. I truly feel that it is within the fast-paced environment that xyz company competes in, performing the required functions as expected to not only meet but exceed the expectations of the position, that my skill sets would be best utilized. In short, I hope you have all viewed my candidacy in a positive light so that I can quickly become a contributing member to the company as a whole and, in particular, the xyz group.
Top answer
Hello, mgendler—and welcome to English Forums. 'In short'? LOL.
- Hello, mgendler—and welcome to English Forums.
- 'In short'?
- LOL.
- Your excerpt is far too wordy and so comes off sounding stiff and pompous.
- Be simple and direct: your reader will love you for it.
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1 Answers
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Hello, mgendler—and welcome to English Forums.
'In short'? LOL. Your excerpt is far too wordy and so comes off sounding stiff and pompous. Be simple and direct: your reader will love you for it.
During our meetings, I was particularly impressed with XYZ's stature within the industry and its strong prospects for growth. Being a part of such a results-oriented team in your fa
'In short'? LOL. Your excerpt is far too wordy and so comes off sounding stiff and pompous. Be simple and direct: your reader will love you for it.
During our meetings, I was particularly impressed with XYZ's stature within the industry and its strong prospects for growth. Being a part of such a results-oriented team in your fa
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