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Brandon Landry Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can someone please tell me if this would be considered a good exposition paragraph?

I believe that with enough motivation a person can accomplish anything in life. In my experience, one example of a great source of motivation has been the need I have to graduate, get a job, and provide a better life for my family. I never knew how motivating getting married and having kids could be. My family is also the motivation I have to help me accomplish good grades in all my classes. However, even though I have always been a very deep thinker, there was a time in my life where the lack of motivation caused me to not care if I made good grades or not. At that time I had no wife, no kids, and only cared about having fun with my friends. But, now that I am married with children my priorities have changed. Another example of motivation in my life has become the love I have of expanding my mind, and the satisfaction I get from learning new things. Whether I’m learning from school, personal research, or just reading articles online, learning gives a feeling of accomplishment. This is because, when I learn something new, I apply it to something I already know. It’s like an artist getting a new color he never had before, and adding it to all of his paintings to give them extra depth. For many other people, motivation can come from the need to make more money. If I had to guess, money would probably be the average person’s number one source of motivation. In conclusion, life’s accomplishments all have one thing in common. They all have been accomplished with some sort of motivation.
  

Top answer

Dear Brandon, It's a fine paragraph. What is you native language? I have one small suggestion: rephrase the conclusion.

  • Dear Brandon, It's a fine paragraph.
  • What is you native language?
  • I have one small suggestion: rephrase the conclusion.
  • Start by removing the words" in conclusion" and make the final sentence more philosophical.
  • Something like: Life’s accomplishments all have one thing in common: at some point, motivation played a key role.
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1 Answers
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Dear Brandon,

It's a fine paragraph. What is you native language?

I have one small suggestion: rephrase the conclusion. Start by removing the words" in conclusion" and make the final sentence more philosophical. Something like: Life’s accomplishments all have one thing in common: at some point, motivation played a key role.

Regards,

John

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