Can someone please review this short paragraph? :)

Can someone please review this short paragraph from my scholarship essay? Any input is appreciated and feel free to give me your honest opinion. I'm trying to improve!

I have not received any financial assistance from FASFA and I have chosen not to burden my family with having to pay for my education. I strive to cover my educational expenses by working at my church in addition to volunteering on Sundays. Despite my efforts, it has been a struggle to cover the cost of tuition. Receiving a scholarship would alleviate the burden of my tuition at (COLLEGE 1) and give me the opportunity to save money for the books, tools, and transportation needed for me to attend (COLLEGE 2). If I were to receive a scholarship, I would be extremely grateful, and I would commit myself to taking full advantage of the opportunity that it provided.