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Buihuunguyenbaopr Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can someone please help me to check my essay

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?


Nowadays, the frequency of organizing virtual conferences and drills is augurating, which presents the corporates with both drawbacks and exploitable benefits. From my perspective, while there exists several insidious problems, this tendency is a positive improvisation for the businesses .

On the one hand, the online operation of collective activities can be disadvantageous for the employees. To commence with, such incidents as the disconnection and blackout or malfunctioned electronic appliances are commonplace, preventing the staffs’ participating and updating information. This dependency on access to the network will underlie the deterioration in the overall performance since it is problematic for members with insufficient knowledge to cooperate and acclimatize to the company’s developmental direction. The second disadvantage is that the incidence of distraction and ineffective discussions can increase significantly. In other words, the temptation of digital entertainment and social medias is ubiquitous, enticing the employees into indulgence and disengagement from the ongoing appointment. As a repercussion, misheard or deficient information consumption will constitute misbehaviors and misled progress. For instance, a research by Stanford into several businesses demonstrates that 50% of the staffs are preoccupied by other activities during Zoom meetings.

On the other hand, the flexibility of this approach offers people numerous justifiable advantages. Firstly and most importantly, with the connection to Internet, the employees can attend the programmes on schedule at any location, especially at the comfort of their accomodations. This “anywhere” characteristic relegates the necessity for commuting, thus mitigating the expenditure and time for transportation, facilitating more opportunites for relaxation and other productive activities. As a corollary, this will increase the job satisfaction amongst employees, encouraging them to perform more efficiently and elevating their fidelity. Moreover, this application of telecommuting will consitute a more inclusive workplace for every participant regardless of their geographical distance. Secondly, video conferences will economize on tremendous expenses of operating the offices. To put it another way, such systems as air-ventilation, computer network, electrical appliances, etc... require tremendous finance to function which can otherwise be reinvested in business and faculty development or researches with the emergence of online activities. For example, the contemporary reports indicate that the financial burden has diminished considerably for businesses since they organized everything through Internet. Simultaneously, the companies also witness a reduction in working duration as a result of elevated productivity across the organizations.

In conclusion, while online meetings and training are occasionally , they can be significantly lucrative for the corporates and beneficial for the employees. Therefore, perceptive adoption of these technologies will generate numerous benefits for the whole company both individually and collectively.

  

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Some initial comments:

1- You wrote almost double the expected number of words. In the real exam, you do not have enough time for that. Also, it frustrates the examiner to have to read unnecessarily long sentences, and that will get you poor marks. Write concise and straightforward sentences, and focus instead on presenting clever/interesting/unique/relevant/current/topical ideas to pers

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