Can someone please help edit my motivation letter??

Hello,

I'll be applying for my masters in Germany. In writing the motivation letter I've tried to follow the guidelines given on DAAD website (http://ic.daad.de/imperia/md/content/islamabad/letter_of_motivation.pdf).

I've written a first draft & it’s a bit lengthy. Please help me shorten it.

University instruction is: "Two pages, DIN A4 or letter format, 12pt, single spacing."

Plz advice. I'm rather desperate!!

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to apply for the Master’s Degree program in Electrical Power Engineering at your University for the academic year 2012-13. This program will prove to be a stepping stone towards my ultimate goal of pursuing research in the field of Power Electronics & Renewable Energy.

Right from my formative years in school, I had an aptitude for the sciences & actively participated in numerous science-exhibitions and talent search exams winning scholarships and prizes. This interest led to my high-school graduation in the science stream securing an aggregate percentage of 90.4 & being included in the Roll-of-Honor of my school.

The education system being highly competitive in India, with too many aspirants vying for a limited number of seats in institutions of learning, it has always challenged me to remain at the fore-front of my class. Through my sincerity and hard-work I’ve met these challenges head-on and always maintained above 90 percent marks throughout my academic career. In the All India Engineering Entrance Examination (AIEEE) conducted for the year 2005, I was among the top-performers in my state which ensured my admission in the esteemed National Institute of Technology (NIT).

I opted for a Bachelor’s in Electrical Engineering which consisted of a rigorous & exhaustive curriculum including courses such as Electrical Machines, Control Systems, Microprocessors & Microcontrollers, Power Electronics, Electrical Drives, Power System Operation and Control, Power System Transients & High voltage DC among others. In keeping-up with my prior standards and being especially motivated to comprehend the fundamentals of the subjects, my grade-point has always been among the toppers in my department.

Based on personal interviews & academic performance, I was among one of those selected from my Institute for an eight week internship cum project opportunity with Indian Air Force (IAF). The project which was carried out at one of the IAF airbases was a stimulating experience & enabled me to have hands-on experience of modifying a typical aircraft maintenance procedure. As a team we delivered a final presentation of the project which was much appreciated by all the officers’ & Group-Captain of the airbase. My final year Bachelors thesis was in the field of Power Electronics on the topic of multi-level inverters & I delivered my final year seminar on electric vehicle technology.

At the very outset of my seventh semester of bachelor studies, oil & gas major Indian Oil Corporation Limited (IOCL), offered me a job opportunity based on my past credentials & internship experience. IOCL is India’s largest commercial enterprise & highest ranked Indian company in the Fortune 'Global 500' listing. Although with a mindset to pursue further higher studies from a globally reputed university, lack of financial means proved as a constraint to my aspirations. Hence, I took up the job offer with IOCL & upon graduation commenced my professional career as Project Engineer involved in construction of cross-country petroleum pipeline projects. In this role I’ve had rich experience in the entire gamut of mainline and station construction activities including galvanic and impressed current cathodic protection works, preparation of anode ground-beds, erection of PCC & MCC panels, cable laying & termination with Motor operated valves (MOVs), DG commissioning and interlocking with AMF panel, preparation of electrical & instrumentation earth-pits as per drawings and other various civil, mechanical and T&I jobs entailed in the commissioning process of pipeline projects. Having had work experience in engineering and construction in excess of two years now, I’m presently in a financial state to fund my graduate studies abroad from a prestigious global university like that of yours.

I grew up in the city of --- in eastern part of India which has one of India’s biggest integrated steel plants run by the Steel Authority of India Limited (SAIL). My father being a mechanical engineer working there has recounted on several occasions as to how the steel plant & its adjoining township had all been set up & commissioned with the active collaboration of the engineers from the erstwhile West-German Republic during the 1950s’. Hence from my very childhood there had been a positive impression in my mind regarding Germany and its technological achievements. Later I became aware of some of the world’s most coveted & renowned auto manufacturing companies to be German as well. Also with an Indo-German club & Max-Muller Centre located very near my house, contributed significantly to my admiration for German language, people and its culture. Hence, right from school days I had taken a conscious decision of pursuing my higher studies in Germany, although a few of my classmates have gone on to US for their Masters’ & persuade me to join them. I also sought advice from a visiting German student pursuing PhD at NIT & she highly encouraged me to take up Masters’ in Germany for its research oriented teaching, superior technical faculty & open-friendly society.

In my work as pipeline engineer, I’ve come across many small villages in my country facing situations of acute power outages. India is an emerging country and there is an ever increasing power demand exerted by multiplying population, rapid urbanization and progressing economy. Serious energy shortage continues to plague India, especially the rural parts, forcing it to rely heavily on imports. Renewable energy sources offer viable option to address the energy security concerns of the country & hence I’m motivated to focus on the same. I’m aware of the opportunities the energy domain is going to throw up in the future with renewable energy sources, decentralisation of generation, liberalisation of the energy market and hybrid electric vehicle technology. In applying for this course in an advanced country like Germany, I hope to learn from leading experts of this field and thus enhance my skills & capabilities in this fast growing demand area of my country.

I wish to study at XYZ University because of your outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and your excellent facilities. From speaking with students through online forums I came to know that your University has one of the best research centres in the energy domain along with excellent industry collaboration. With many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. All these strong positives make me confident of my decision.

I hope that my background and qualifications are found suitable for a MS degree in Power Engineering. I am certain about exceeding all your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. Furthermore, my international background will definitely add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,