Can someone please help correct 6 hard sentences?

Question

Could you please help me correct these 6 sentences please?

1 You can tell from what the airline serves that the food in the country is bad. The food on the plane was a foretaste of how bad the food would be in the country.

2 Even if/when it's a good movie, if I'm tired I'll fall asleep. (2 ifs)

3 Now you know what it's like when I have to wait for you when/if you are late. (2 whens??)

4 I don't want my son to remember about me what you remember about your dad.

5 We live the same distance away from school./We live as far from school as one another. (how to properly say this?)

6 The amount of retirement you'll percieve depends on your last 6 months of work and how much you made.

Thank you so much

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Here are my comments.

1 You can tell from what the airline serves that the food in the country is bad. The food on the plane was a foretaste of how bad the food would be in the country.

Nothing particulary wrong. But I wonder about the verb tenses.

You can tell from what the airline served that the food in the country would also be bad.

The food served on the plane was a warning about how bad the food would be once we arrived in the country.

2 Even if/when it's a good movie, if I'm tired I'll fall asleep. (2 ifs)

The two ifs are not a problem because they refer to two different possibilities (if good, if tired). However, for clarity, I would switch it around: Even if it's a good movie, I'll fall asleep if I'm tired.

3 Now you know what it's like when I have to wait for you when/if you are late. (2 whens??)

Switch it around so that the "when" covers both parties.

Now you know what it's like when you are late and I have to wait for you.

4 I don't want my son to remember about me what you remember about your dad.

I would spell this out more.

I don't want my son to remember the same things about me that you remember about your dad.

5 We live the same distance away from school./We live as far from school as one another. (how to properly say this?)

We both live the same distance from school.

6 The amount of retirement you'll percieve depends on your last 6 months of work and how much you made.

I think you are wanting to say this:

The amount of retirement you will receive depends on how much you made during your last 6 months of work.

I hope this helps.

Alc24 · Answer

Thank you Doctor D,

I had a few questions please?

Can you not use Foretaste in the first sentence?

here is an example that looks a bit like my sentence: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/foretaste?q=foretaste

For 2 can I use both When and If: Even when the movie is good, I fall asleep if I'm tired.

Even if the movie is good, I fall asleep if I'm tired.

For 3 can you leave in AWAY?

Thank you Doctor D,

Ps Doctor D,

Could you please help me with these 5 sentences please?

Thank you so much

Doctor D · Answer

Yes, you can use "foretaste" in the first sentence. I did not as it is a bit overformal.

No, I would not use "when" in the second sentence. "If" is a better choice. I would reserve "Even when" for occasions when you are talking about particular times.

"Even when we have the money, we don't like to spend it foolishly."

I would not use "away" in the fifth sentence. It is unneeded (and thus confusing).

Alc24 · Answer

Thank you Doctor D for everything,

I had one little thread, Could you please take a look for me as it's very important, most sentences are for my book I'm trying to translate into english, and you make things so clear for me.

Thank you Doctor D

I don't know how I could repay you for your help, maybe in french if you ever need something.

Can someone please help correct 6 hard sentences?

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