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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Letter Writing
Can someone please give me feedback on my essay!
Hello!
I'm preparing for the TOEFL and I would like someone to give me some feedback on an essay I wrote as part of my preparation. Tell me what I could improve and if possible give me an approximative grade!
Thank you very much
Safia
The subject : It has been said, « Not everything that is learned is contained in books ». Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained form books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
My essay :
As far as I can remember, books have been the tool that everybody uses to learn, whether it is at school, at work, for personal development or to learn a new hobby like cooking or knitting.
Books are an important part of the learning process; they give a strong basis and a wide knowledge on the subject that a person wishes to study. Books are very often the result of many years of research, hard work and written by professionals. They’re are an infinite source of knowledge, and sometimes there’s no other option than to rely on them.
For example, someone studying literature in school will have no other choice than to learn all the famous authors’ names and point of views and biographies. They’ll have to study their writings and go through pages and pages of their work.
Experience on the other hand is a more active way of learning. It allows you to do your own research, draw your own conclusions, make your own decisions on the direction you want to take with your project.
Experience, is making mistakes, correcting these mistakes and then making some more until you find what you’re looking for.
As a Biology student, I think experience helps me memorize a lot of concepts that would be too abstract otherwise. And by finding important rules and properties myself, though lab research, I understand the purpose of what I am doing.
All in all, I think that books are a valuable source of knowledge that no one should ignore, because they’re written by people who have dedicated their lives to one subject and who have become very specialized. Therefore, it is a chance to be able to read and learn from these people.
But I also believe that after reading and learning all the theoretical aspects, experience helps understand the concepts and the purpose better and go further and deeper into the subject.
In my opinion, books and experience are two different sources of knowledge that have the same value. They’re not opposed to one another, but they should be used one after the other. Books as a first step, to build the structure and experience as a second, to strengthen it.
I'm preparing for the TOEFL and I would like someone to give me some feedback on an essay I wrote as part of my preparation. Tell me what I could improve and if possible give me an approximative grade!
Thank you very much
Safia
The subject : It has been said, « Not everything that is learned is contained in books ». Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained form books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
My essay :
As far as I can remember, books have been the tool that everybody uses to learn, whether it is at school, at work, for personal development or to learn a new hobby like cooking or knitting.
Books are an important part of the learning process; they give a strong basis and a wide knowledge on the subject that a person wishes to study. Books are very often the result of many years of research, hard work and written by professionals. They’re are an infinite source of knowledge, and sometimes there’s no other option than to rely on them.
For example, someone studying literature in school will have no other choice than to learn all the famous authors’ names and point of views and biographies. They’ll have to study their writings and go through pages and pages of their work.
Experience on the other hand is a more active way of learning. It allows you to do your own research, draw your own conclusions, make your own decisions on the direction you want to take with your project.
Experience, is making mistakes, correcting these mistakes and then making some more until you find what you’re looking for.
As a Biology student, I think experience helps me memorize a lot of concepts that would be too abstract otherwise. And by finding important rules and properties myself, though lab research, I understand the purpose of what I am doing.
All in all, I think that books are a valuable source of knowledge that no one should ignore, because they’re written by people who have dedicated their lives to one subject and who have become very specialized. Therefore, it is a chance to be able to read and learn from these people.
But I also believe that after reading and learning all the theoretical aspects, experience helps understand the concepts and the purpose better and go further and deeper into the subject.
In my opinion, books and experience are two different sources of knowledge that have the same value. They’re not opposed to one another, but they should be used one after the other. Books as a first step, to build the structure and experience as a second, to strengthen it.
Top answer
You have not stated your thesis clearly in the first paragraph. That is the most important rule of writing good argumentative essays. State what you are going to prove first, then give evidence and arguments it in subsequent paragraphs, then summarize it your concluding paragraph.
- You have not stated your thesis clearly in the first paragraph.
- That is the most important rule of writing good argumentative essays.
- State what you are going to prove first, then give evidence and arguments it in subsequent paragraphs, then summarize it your concluding paragraph.
- ) uses to learn, whether it is at school, at work, for personal development or to learn a new hobby like cooking or knitting.
- Books are an important part of the learning process; they give a strong basis and a wide knowledge on the subject that a person wishes to study.
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2 Answers
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You have not stated your thesis clearly in the first paragraph. That is the most important rule of writing good argumentative essays. State what you are going to prove first, then give evidence and arguments it in subsequent paragraphs, then summarize it your concluding paragraph.
As far as I can remember, books have been the tool that everybody (who do you mean by "every
As far as I can remember, books have been the tool that everybody (who do you mean by "every
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