Can someone help me to write my motivation letter? (A Spanish in trouble..)

Question

I apologize all the ortograph mistakes... please, I need help... both in grammar and the order of my ideas...

It'a a motivation letter for participate in a international graduate program.

Thank you very much.

Noe

Dear Sirs,

As you know I'm recently graduated in Chemical Engineering.

At this point, I find very important the election of the first significative job, because it can determine the future development of my professional career.

It's very easy to explain why I want to work in a brewery: in one hand, it fit my technical expectatives. As engineer, the beer industry is a very complete sector where I can learn and share with you my recent knowledge, acquired in all those years, in the last technologies of water and solids treatment, fermentation processes, refrigeration systems, gas recuperation... or, related with the management aspects, such as production and distribution control, supply chain, environmental and health implications as well as the economics of the operation, etc..

On the other, it's pretty hard to explain my personal desire in working in a "life" industry like this. As an enthusiastic of the culture of the beer and wine (in the good sense...), I’ve participated in the recollection campaign of the last seasons in one of the most important wine shires of my country and I would like to work in the production area or any similar like engineer.

Furthermore I have always had a strong desire to work in an international environment. You’re one of the most important beer productor all over the world and I find this as an unique opportunity.

I would describe myself as an active, mature, curious, hands-on and flexible person. I’m willing to work on new
projects with new colleagues and to increase and share my knowledgement. I’m an enduring team player but I’m willing to accept responsibility.

I would be pleased if my application wakes your interest. I enclose my CV for your consideration. Please do not
hesitate to contact me if you require any further details.

Yours faithfully,

Nef · Accepted Answer

Hello,

Here are a few ideas. I am being fairly picky (critical) because you asked for comments. I understood most of your letter very well. Good luck with your application!

---------------------

Dear Sirs, (If you are sure that only men will read your letter, this is fine. If it is possible that either men or women will read your letter, I think it is better to say Dear Sir/Ma'am, Dear Sir or Madam, or To Whom it May Concern. If you can find out the name or job title of the person who will read your letter, you might use that as a form of address.)

As you know I'm recently graduated in Chemical Engineering. (I'm wondering if you are sure the reader will know this.) Also, you might want to say "I'm a recent graduate in Chemical Engineering." or "I'm a recent graduate who majored in Chemical Engineering."

At this point, I find very important the election of the first significative job, because it can determine the future development of my professional career.

At this point, I find the choice of my first significant job very important, because it can determine the future development of my professional career. (I'm changing the placement of the "very important" and using "significant" rater than "significative," which is not a common word.)

It's very easy to explain why I want to work in a brewery: in one hand, it fit fits my technical expectatives. expectations.

(1. I am not sure what "in one hand" means here.

2. "It fits" is because "it" is third person singular. (I fit, you fit, he/she/it fits...

3. "Expectations" is a common word; "expectatives" may not be a word at all.)

As an (you need "an" here) engineer, the beer industry is a very complete sector where I can learn and share with you my recent knowledge, acquired in all those years, in the last latest technologies of water and solids treatment, fermentation processes, refrigeration systems, gas recuperation... or, related with the management aspects, such as production and distribution control, supply chain, environmental and health implications, as well as the economics of the operation, etc..

I am not sure if "recuperation" is the right word here. "Recuperation" usually refers to recovery from an illness (regaining good health after a disease). Would "recovery," a more general term which might refer to regaining or gathering something, work better?

Also, this is a very long sentence. I'd start a new sentence to discuss the management aspects. For instance, something like: "A job in this industry also would provide me with an excellent opportunity to apply and increase my knowledge of management aspects such as...")

On the other, (OK, now I see what the first hand was for!

But your hands are so far apart here, are separated by so many words, that the connection between the two hands gets dropped. I'd suggest not mentioning the first hand at all. If you want to, for the second hand, try saying:

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to explain my personal desire in working in a "life" industry like this. As an enthusiastic enthusiast ("enthusiast" is a noun, "enthusiastic" is an adjective; you could say as an enthusiastic ____, )

If you wanted a shorter sentence, you could say "As a beer and wine enthusiast (in the good sense), I've participated..."

of the culture of the (you don't need, and shouldn't have, this "the") beer and wine (in the good sense...), I’ve participated in the recollection (I'm not sure of the meaning here. Is it possible that you are talking about a harvest?) campaign of the last seasons in one of the most important wine shires (This is the right word for English English; if you want American English, say "counties" instead of "shires") of my country and I would like to work in the production area or any similar like engineer. or in a related area as an engineer.

Furthermore, I have always had a strong desire to work in an international environment. You’re one of the most important beer productor all over the world and I find this as an unique opportunity. Your company is one of the most important beer producers in the world, and I think this is a unique opportunity.

I would describe myself as an active, mature, curious, hands-on and flexible person. I’m willing to work on new
projects with new colleagues and to increase and share my knowledgement knowledge. I’m an enduring a loyal team player but I’m willing to accept responsibility.

I would be pleased if my application wakes your interest. I enclose my CV for your consideration. Please do not
hesitate to contact me if you require any further details.

Yours faithfully,

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Nef:

Thank you very much for your help and for your coments.

Don't worry because of your critic, it's exactly what I need. As you can see I must to improve my english very much

Now I've got a lot of work¡¡ I'm going to review all your corrections.

Probably I'll need more help...

Happy new year and kisses:

Noelia

Noe · Answer

Well, in fact, its a motivation letter for a graduate program on europe, that's the reason because I'd prefer the "English English" .

What do you think about the corrections? What do you thing about the order of the ideas?

Thank you very much

Noe

Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm a graduate in Chemical Engineering.

At this point, I find the choice of my first significant job very important, because it can determine the future development of my professional career.

I have always had a strong desire to work in an international and multicultural environment. Your company group is one of the most important beer producers in the world, and I think your International Graduate Program is a unique opportunity to increase my knowlegde and to live an experience like this.

It's very easy to explain why I want to work in a brewery: it fits my technical expectations.

As an engineer, the beer industry is a very complete sector where I can learn and share with you my recent knowledge, acquired in all those years, in the latest technologies of water and solids treatment, fermentation processes, refrigeration systems, gas recovery...

A job in this industry also would provide me with an excellent opportunity to apply and increase my knowledge of management aspects, such as production and distribution control, supply chain, environmental and health implications, as well as the economiscs of the operation etc…

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to explain my personal desire in working in a "life" industry like this. As a beer and wine culture enthusiast (in the good sense), I've participated in the harvest campaing of the las seasons in one of the monst important wine shires of my country and I’ve got the ambition to work in the production, process or in a related area as a manager engineer.

I would describe myself as an active, mature, curious, hands-on and flexible person. I’m willing to work on new
projects with new colleagues and to increase and share my knowledge. I’m a loyal team player but I’m willing to accept responsibility.

I would be pleased if my application wakes your interest. I enclose my CV for your consideration. Please do not
hesitate to contact me if you require any further details.

Yours faithfully,

Can someone help me to write my motivation letter? (A Spanish in trouble..)

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions