Can someone help me to correct this essay and please give me a score from a scale of 1-10 (Please do notice that this story was a made up for the essay)

question is "Sometimes an event that seems to be going badly turns out well after all.Discuss such an event of your life, Use specific details to support your response."

In this fast moving world we go through so many events of life.These events could be the turning points of our lives.Marriage,Higher education,Decisions regarding life are a few of these life changing events.Sometimes they are hard to recognize as an important event but in the end it could turn out to be a critical point of life.I have been through several events that have turned out well even though it seem to be going badly at the begginning.One of the few events is deciding to come to New York for my higher studies.

Last year, My parents decided to push me to go to a college because i was not interested in higher education.It is mainly because i was interested in a career in music field even if it far to reach.But they insist me to find a college.I eventually found a graduate program whcih led me to come to New York city.I was devestated at first to leave my country and my friends behind but i had to do it for my own good.

However when i came to New York, things were started to look clear to me.I suddenly created goals in my life.It must have happened because when i came to New York i finally understood that i have to earn to be in a postion to enjoy the life rather than wasting my time with a clueless hope of being a musician.Additionally i also learned to take responsibilities after having a job.I still have not stopped loving music but i have considered it as a hobby instead of a career.

The desicion i made to be here in the New York City is the event that turned out well even though it seems to be a bad strike of event for me at the beggining.