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Issa Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can someone check this story in language?

I am a new member, hoping I get help

and all thanks go to you

this is the story

any mistakes in langauge please let me know



Once upon a time, A hag called Babona lives a luxurious life because she used her magic in enslaving people for own her good. Babona used her special weapon a fairy comb which provided her with power. In that period of time, three girls worked in the old lady's house as slaves. Sali is one of the girls who is Innocent and she is entirely dominated by the malevolent lady. As soon as Babona screams, everyone in the house knew that she is angry and she wants some stuff like food. When Babona gets furious, her shape transforms to a very malicious woman with very tiny red eyes. In this case, the best thing the girls to do was running towards their small room to hide under their beds. A few days later, despite the girls are afraid; they think one day they will be free. This dream nearly will be real as many people began to think towards this issue. One of these people is a brave gay called master One. One always thinks how he can save her beloved Sali. Fortunately, the lady's house was ancient and one of its windows was broken where a scared cat sleeps. This cat is an obstacle to One in his journey of escaping Sali out from the lady's house because it is ordered to keep an eye on any Intruder. One decided to play a trick on the cat by throwing a bone aside to keep it away for a moment and he jumped. In a quiet instant, One watches his beloved and verbalizes his feelings towards her. The hag heard their voice and says" Who can that be?" One addresses her thus: a person like you must die one day to let people live cheerfully. Sali realized how dangerous she was and told him to run. Suddenly something amazing happened, a teddy bear appeared with a knife in its hand, trying to stick it in One's chest. The hag bursts into a fit of laughter and said it is impossible to get rid of my wizard teddy bear. Ones discover that the fairy comb is the secret beyond this power. So, he thought of an idea, using the hag's fairy comb might help him. He jumped with a swift movement and picked up the fairy comb. The hag got in a terrible fury, but that could not help her anymore without her magic weapon. Master One used that weapon to transfer her from a hag to a spaceship in order to escape. As this story ended, they all three girls are free, living with their families, and Sali lives peacefully with her love.





  

Top answer

Once upon a time, A hag called Babona lived a luxurious life because she used her magic to enslave people for own her benefit. Babona used her special weapon a fairy comb which provided her with power. At this time, three girls worked in the old lady's house as slaves.

  • Once upon a time, A hag called Babona lived a luxurious life because she used her magic to enslave people for own her benefit.
  • Babona used her special weapon a fairy comb which provided her with power.
  • At this time, three girls worked in the old lady's house as slaves.
  • Sali is an innocent girl who is entirely dominated by the malevolent lady.
  • As soon as Babona screams, everyone in the house knows that she is angry and she wants something like food.
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2 Answers
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Once upon a time, A hag called Babona lived a luxurious life because she used her magic to enslave people for own her benefit. Babona used her special weapon a fairy comb which provided her with power. At this time, three girls worked in the old lady's house as slaves. Sali is an innocent girl who is entirely dominated by the malevolent lady. As soon as Babona screams, everyone in the hous
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all thanks go to you my teacher

you helped me very much

I will rewrite it in the way you did

this site is very important for me in my studying

I will be always here

thanks

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