Can someone check my letter please

Question

Hello,This is a cover letter I have writen to send to the companies for job positions, could you please have a look at this and correct any grammar or expression issueThank you very much-- Cover letter --This letter is to express my interest in joining your Software Development team for work experience.I have near six years of varied experience as a Java/J2EE developer, with different companies. This has given me the opportunity to develop software packages in the fields of ERP, MIS and banking applications, using Java, JSP, JSF, EJB 3.0, Hibernate 3, Spring and also PL/SQL programming.I successfully worked independently and as part of a team. As I have experience in a banking software company, problem solving was a daily occurrence and we had to analyse requirements and implement use-cases by considering performance, coherence, decoupling and reusability. And the beautiful part is when it comes to multi-threading tasks, which requires more challenging.In 2006 and 2007, I obtained two Sun certificates, SCJP 5 and SCWCD 1.4 respectively. And I am planning to study for more certificates during which my hands-on knowledge will be completed in detail.I have excellent communication and organisational skills. As the changing market condition followed by changing deadline are usual in software delivery, I learned how to prioritize my tasks and prevent stress from spreading out across the team.I worked in a famous banking software company with more than 6 national and private banks as our clients and I was able to make some significant contributions that are still in use.My resume and contact details are enclosed and I look forward to an opportunity to discuss my situation with you.Yours sincerely

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have underlined some problem areas:

This letter is to express my interest in joining your Software Development team for work experience.

I have near six years of varied experience as a Java/J2EE developer, with different companies. This has given me the opportunity to develop software packages in the fields of ERP, MIS and banking applications, using Java, JSP, JSF, EJB 3.0, Hibernate 3, Spring and also PL/SQL programming.

I successfully worked independently and as part of a team. As I have experience in a banking software company, problem solving was a daily occurrence and we had to analyse requirements and implement use-cases by considering performance, coherence, decoupling and reusability. And the beautiful part is when it comes to multi-threading tasks, which requires more challenging.

In 2006 and 2007, I obtained two Sun certificates, SCJP 5 and SCWCD 1.4 ~~respectively~~. And I am planning to study for more certificates during which my hands-on knowledge will be completed in detail.

I have excellent communication and organisational skills. As the changing market condition followed by changing deadline are usual in software delivery, I learned how to prioritize my tasks and prevent stress from spreading out across the team.

I worked in a famous banking software company with more than 6 national and private banks as our clients and I was able to make some significant contributions that are still in use.
My resume and contact details are enclosed and I look forward to an opportunity to discuss my situation with you.

Yours sincerely

Mnrz57 · Answer

Thank you so much, but could you please tell me what's wrong about them and how can I change them?

Thanks again

Mister Micawber · Answer

This is a learning process, not a free business service.  Please try to solve the problems yourself and then post a revised copy here and we'll look at it again.  Hint: some of them are just punctuation errors.

Mnrz57 · Answer

Thanks Mister Micawber. Yes you're right. I revised them as below:

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+1 votes
Mister Micawber 37 mins ago [More info]
I have underlined some problem areas:

This letter is to express my interest in joining your Software Development team for work experience.

I have about six years of varied experience as a Java/J2EE developer with different companies. This has given me the opportunity to develop software packages in the fields of ERP, MIS and banking applications, using Java, JSP, JSF, EJB 3.0, Hibernate 3, Spring and also PL/SQL programming.

I successfully worked independently and as part of a team. As I have experience in a banking software company, problem solving was a daily occurrence. We had to analyse requirements and implement use-cases by considering performance, coherence, decoupling and reusability. The beautiful part is when it comes to multi-threading tasks, which requires more challenging [challenge ???].

In 2006 and 2007, I obtained two Sun certificates, SCJP 5 and SCWCD 1.4 ~~respectively~~. I am planning to study for more certificates during which my hands-on knowledge will be completed in detail [accomplished? perfected?].

I have excellent communication and organisational skills. As the changing market condition [remove?] followed by changing deadline are [deadline occure in software delivery?] usual in software delivery, I learned how to prioritize my tasks and prevent stress from spreading out across [here I want to say that if I am in stress I will affect the others] the team.

I worked in a famous [known?] banking software company with more than 6 [???] national and private banks as our clients and I was able to make some significant contributions that are still in use.

My resume and contact details are enclosed. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss my application with you.

Yours sincerely,
my name

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Thank you again, some places I put question mark because I am not sure about them or I don't know what the problem is with them.

Mister Micawber · Answer

This letter is to express my interest in joining your Software Development team for work experience.

I have about six years of varied experience as a Java/J2EE developer with different companies. This has given me the opportunity to develop software packages in the fields of ERP, MIS and banking applications, using Java, JSP, JSF, EJB 3.0, Hibernate 3, Spring, and also PL/SQL programming.
I successfully worked independently and as part of a team. As I have experience in a banking software company, problem solving was a daily occurrence. We had to analyse requirements and implement use-cases by considering performance, coherence, decoupling and reusability. The beautiful part is when it comes to (The underlined part needs rewriting or deletion; it is far too casual) multi-threading tasks, which require more challenge.

In 2006 and 2007, I obtained two Sun certificates, SCJP 5 and SCWCD 1.4. I am planning to study for more certificates, after which my hands-on knowledge will be considerably enhanced.

I have excellent communication and organisational skills. As changing market conditions and changing deadlines are usual in software delivery, I have learned how to prioritize my tasks, control stress and perform optimally within my team.

I worked in a high-profile banking software company with more than 6 [The point is, you should be able to count the number: was it 7? 8? 9?] national and private banks as our clients, and I was able to make some significant contributions that are still in use.

My resume and contact details are enclosed. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss my application with you.

Yours sincerely,
my name

Mnrz57 · Answer

I really appreciate your effort on helping me, Mister Micawber.

I have some questions in this regard.
About this part:

The beautiful part is when it comes to (The underlined part needs rewriting or deletion; it is far too casual) multi-threading tasks, which require more challenge.

I want to say that I like this kind of problem, do you think following sentence can express it while it is not casual:
"I always felt more satisfaction in multi-threading tasks in particular, which require more challenge."
OR
"I was more satisfied in particular when we encountered multi-threading issues, which require more challenge."

Also, this section:
"As changing market conditions and changing deadlines are usual in software delivery,"

how can I say that changing deadlines happens in result of changing market conditions? Is the following sentence appropriate:

"As changing market conditions occur usually and changing deadlines in software delivery is the (its) result, I have...."

OR
"As changing market conditions occur usually and in result, software delivery deadlines change, I have ..."

Thanks

Mister Micawber · Answer

I like this one: "I always felt more satisfaction in multi-threading tasks in particular, which require more challenge."

"As changing market conditions and changing deadlines are usual in software delivery," How can I say that changing deadlines happens in result of changing market conditions?-- You shouldn't. Save words and at the same time give the reader some credit for common sense.

Can someone check my letter please

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