Can someone check my IELTS writing task 2? Thanks a lot!

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Children in some countries are taught to keep trying their best in order to attain success. While that idea occasionally brings them some negative impacts, it also has a lot of positive effects.

On the one hand, some cultures, especially Eastern cultures, encourage the young to try hard all the time. If they fail, it is their fault, and they will usually be blamed by the adults. They forced their child to try and try again, and that put a heavy load on the child’s shoulders. It causes a lot of anxiety and gives the young the feeling that they failed to meet their parents’ expectations, which can lead to depression. It is normal to take a fall, but with these children, a minor fall can lead to major self-blaming and the sense that they are the losers and will never achieve success. For example, a child who is terrible at doing mathematical problems can be considered stupid at all and is told to keep doing mathematisc all day long until he can solve this problem, although this child so outstanding at literature, vice versa.

On the other hand, encouraging the young to keep trying for their goals can bring lots of motivation for them. It can give them abundant strength to overcome their obstacles. Therefore, children can learn to respect their results and also their trying process, and figure out what is really valuable at the end. It is true that no great success can be attained without failures and enormous efforts. Take Edison, for example. He spent a thousand times trying to create a light bulb, with failures and failures again. What would happen if he stopped trying? That is a clear example of how efforts can help people succeed, and so many children are encouraged by it.

Ultimately, while pushing children too hard on a goal can cause some negative consequences, encouraging them remains an effective way to motivate children to create incredible things.