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I_am_Qoo Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can someone check my grammar ?

I try to improve my writing by write blog , and this is work from my blog

http://little-playboy.blogspot.com/

After the darkness had gone , and the new day came . The morning’s light penetrated through my windows softly and try to disperse to every area of my house . The shadow of things gradually was growing , while the sun was slightly changing its angle and gradually gave more light to the world . Everything was change, included . I had still laid on bedspread lazily, until I heard my mobile phone rang crazily like a noise from my dog , which was trying to played with a walking men (or women) who walked hastily on the street . A commotion knocked my ears like a my mom greet visitor .
I tried to wake, but my consciousness said “ Sleep darling ,please. I tried to fought with my consciousness’s command by opened my eyes widely and crawl lazily , and then I lose and everything turned to darkness with my sleep

Thank you for everyone to read and correct my grammar Emotion: smile
  

Top answer

Don't leave a space before commas and periods. I've fixed a few things for you, but I left the things in blue for you to fix. com / After the darkness had gone , and the new day came .

  • Don't leave a space before commas and periods.
  • I've fixed a few things for you, but I left the things in blue for you to fix.
  • com / After the darkness had gone , and the new day came .
  • The morning’s light penetrated through my windows softly (awkward choice of words) and try (tense) to disperse to (wording) every area of my house .
  • The shadow (be clearer) of things gradually was growing , while the sun was slightly changing its angle and gradually gave more light to the world .
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2 Answers
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Don't leave a space before commas and periods. I've fixed a few things for you, but I left the things in blue for you to fix.
I_am_QooI try to improve my writing by write blog , and this is work from my blog

http://little-playboy.blogspot.com/

After the darkness had gone ,
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