Can someone check my essay please and correct errors and make improvements

Question

Should the homeless be cleared off the streets? Really? I just don’t understand what harm they cause? They are still people and we believe that they should have a right to have everything that everyone else gets. I am very much against clearing off the homeless. I think it’s cruel and unnecessary, because they want to be treated like everyone. Do you want to be the cause of someone else's misery?
Imagine all the events that occurred in your life today. You woke up from your warm bed, took a shower, got dressed, and went to school, work, or both. Then you came home, had dinner, and went to sleep. These are all the basic needs which many people have today. Most people would agree that a day like this is fairly ordinary. Shelter, clothes, food, education, and family are all things that we usually take for granted and things that every person deserves. Unfortunately, these things do not belong to everyone. Far too many people in this country have no homes. They own only the clothes that they wear. They don't know when they will get their next meal, and they don't have family or friends to turn to for help. They are alone petrified, and they are invisible like ghosts. We think that everyone is discouraged to think that the homeless have any value, although if you think about how it would feel if you were in their situation then it would be another story.

For many, the term homeless conjures up an image of a middle-aged alcoholic man half dead sleeping on benches, in doorways, and on sidewalks. The reality, however, is homelessness affects us as well. Families, children, the elderly can be homeless. Many babies go from the hospital into the shelter system, never knowing what it is like to go home. Is this how humanity should be treated? There are individuals with heart breaking stories with mental illnesses, drug addictions and misery. The number of homeless people is increasing. The exact number is unknown but estimates around 1million people and over. One factor that contributes to homelessness is the lack of affordable and decent housing.
In the late 1970's, Phoenix demolished 4000 inexpensive hotel rooms that were occupied by people who could not afford other housing what happened to those people? Where did they go to live? A guess would be, on the street.
An estimated 25 to 50% of the homeless is thought to suffer from serious forms of mental illness. If you take the street from them then what will they have left? Could you really hurt them? Really? We know you won’t!

Some people say that the homeless is unhygienic revolting and diseased people, but have you ever experienced living in that way? The hard rock floor, which ends up giving you bruises from head to toe. The headaches you get from drinking less water, and the stomach cramps you get from eating less. No! On the contrary, they are very lonely people, and they don’t deserve to be chucked out like some garbage. They are not worthless. They are not as fortunate as we are, but will that be the reason why you will treat someone with no respect at all? 96 % of people are living on the streets waiting for a miracle to happen. But will it? Unfortunately not everyone is wealthy enough to afford a shower, on the other hand the homeless try their best to stay as clean as possible by using public toilets. At least they are not trying to upset the public too much.

Some people say that the police could be working on real cases like murder burglaries and something more serious than clearing the homeless off the streets. Research shows that there are 100 million people homeless worldwide. Some people start on the street and are stranded for a short time. Others are permanently out there for the rest of their life. Sometimes people go out on the street do get homes but end up back on the street again. This means that 100million people will be forced to move else where, nevertheless the homeless can be in really intimidating situations. These homeless people are treated worse than anyone could imagine. They have to face life threatening, critical circumstances, and they can’t speak a word about it. On June 12, George Akers was found under a tree in the grounds of St Cuthbert's Church. Two 15-year-old boys had been arrested by the police investigating the murder of a homeless man. This was shown on BBC news. This suggests that actually the homeless can be in imminent danger! I think that if you keep thinking that only your life is important then it suggests that you are very self-obsessed, stingy and self centered people. Selfish, selfish and selfish! Do you want to be remembered in this way?

Why isn't the government helping them get off the streets? This is what will be wondering your minds right now. The government is always talking about how they can help with the money, jobs and education, but have they ever considered the homeless? Do they even think about the homeless at all? Evidence shows that the government doesn't do much because if they did something we wouldn't have as many homeless people. The most the government does is "give" away grants and free money to those who want to open a shelter or a non-profit organization. Look at the Hurricane Katrina innocent victims, people who weren't homeless but became homeless overnight. The government took extremely long to help them, so you can imagine what little the government is doing for others. I agree with this and I think that the government should make homelessness a top priority. If the government doesn't do anything then the homeless would certainly not have a normal life because they are filthy, foul and frightful. This means that they will never get a job so they won’t be able to earn money.

So now I have tried to persuade you that the homeless is in need of our help, by first explaining the reality of homelessness, how the government lacks of helping the homeless and the dangers of homelessness. These three reasons demonstrate that no one ever considers their point of view and when they do you never acknowledge how they actually feel. If someone was sick with major problems, they can just get help by asking for it, but if that person had a mental illness, their brain doesn't work well, so how will they? Nonetheless no one would even care because they are revolting, repulsive and repugnant! Now I know many of you may feel that there are more important diseases to take care of and I don’t disagree with you, but I hope I have persuaded you that the homeless is particularly vulnerable for our help, and if we even raise a little bit of money then we can at least alleviate some of their suffering. Despite this I know in the most prosperous times there will always be homeless people because 3 % of the population has mental problems. You know you can help!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi,
I scanned your text and made a few suggestions. Highlighted areas need some attention.

Should the homeless be cleared off the streets? Really? I just don’t understand what harm they cause? (Not a question!) They are still people and we (I?) believe that they should have a right to have everything that everyone else gets. I am very much against clearing ~~off~~ the homeless off the streets. I think it’s cruel and unnecessary, because they want to be treated like everyone. Do you want to be the cause of someone else's misery?Imagine all the events that occurred in your life today. You woke up from your warm bed, took a shower, got dressed, and went to school, work, or both. Then you came home, had dinner, and went to sleep. These are all ~~the~~ basic needs which many people have today. Most people would agree that a day like this is fairly ordinary. Shelter, clothes, food, education, and family are all things that we usually take for granted and things that every person deserves. Unfortunately, these things do not belong to everyone. Far too many people in this country have no homes. They own only the clothes that they wear. They don't know when they will get their next meal, and they don't have family or friends to turn to for help. They are alone petrified, and they are invisible like ghosts. We think that everyone is discouraged (?) to think that the homeless have any value, although if you think about how it would feel if you were in their situation then it would be another story.

For many, the term homeless conjures up an image of a middle-aged alcoholic man half-dead sleeping on benches, in doorways, and on sidewalks. The reality, however, is that homelessness affects us as well. Families, children, and the elderly can be homeless. Many babies go from the hospital into the shelter system, never knowing what it is like to go home. Is this how humanity should be treated? There are individuals with heart-breaking stories with mental illnesses, drug addictions and misery. The number of homeless people is increasing. The exact number is unknown but estimates are around 1million people and over. (globally?) One factor that contributes to homelessness is the lack of affordable and decent housing. In the late 1970's, Phoenix demolished 4000 inexpensive hotel rooms that were occupied by people who could not afford other housing what happened to those people? Where did they go to live? A guess would be, on the street. An estimated 25 to 50% of the homeless is thought to suffer from serious forms of mental illness. If you take the street from them then what will they have left? Could you really hurt them? Really? We know you won’t! Some people say that the homeless is unhygienic revolting and diseased people, but have you ever experienced living in that way? The hard rock floor, which ends up giving you bruises from head to toe. The headaches you get from drinking less water, and the stomach cramps you get from eating less. No! On the contrary, they are very lonely people, and they don’t deserve to be chucked out like some garbage. They are not worthless. They are not as fortunate as we are, but will that be the reason why you will treat someone with no respect at all? (Spell out a number that starts a sentence) 96 % of the people are living on the streets (96% of us live on the street?) waiting for a miracle to happen. But will it? Unfortunately not everyone is wealthy enough to afford a shower, on the other hand the homeless try their best to stay as clean as possible by using public toilets. At least they are not trying to upset the public too much.

Some people say that the police could (should?) be working on real cases like murder burglaries and something more serious rather than clearing the homeless off the streets. Research shows that there are 100 million people homeless worldwide. (you said 1 million earlier) Some people start (those babies?) on the street and are stranded for a short time. Others are permanently out there for the rest of their lives. Sometimes people go out (?) on the street do get homes but end up back on the street again. This (what?) means that 100 million people will be forced to move else where (one word), nevertheless the homeless can be in really intimidating situations. These homeless people are treated worse than anyone could imagine. They have to face life-threatening, critical(?) circumstances, and they can’t speak a word (?) about it. On June 12, George Akers was found (asleep?) under a tree in the grounds of St Cuthbert's Church. Two 15-year-old boys had been arrested by the police investigating the murder of a homeless man. This was shown on BBC news. This suggests that actually the homeless can be in imminent danger! I think that if you keep thinking that only your life is important then it suggests that you are very self-obsessed, stingy and self-centered people. Selfish, selfish and selfish! Do you want to be remembered in this way?
Why isn't the government helping them get off the streets? This is what will be wondering your minds right now. The government is always talking about how they can help with ~~the~~ money, jobs and education, but have they ever considered the homeless? Do they even think about the homeless at all? Evidence shows that the government doesn't do much because if they did something we wouldn't have as many homeless people. The most the government does is "give" away grants and free money to those who want to open a shelter or a non-profit organization. Look at ~~the~~ Hurricane Katrina's innocent victims, people who weren't homeless but became homeless overnight. The government took extremely long to help them, so you can imagine what little the government is doing for others. I agree with this and I think that the government should make homelessness a top priority. If the government doesn't do anything then the homeless would certainly not have a normal life because they are filthy, foul and frightful ( I thought you said they kept clean.) This means that they will never get a job so they won’t be able to earn money.

So now I have tried to persuade you that the homeless is in need of our help, by first explaining the reality of homelessness, how the government lacks of helping the homeless and the dangers of homelessness. These three reasons demonstrate that no one ever considers their point of view and when they do you never acknowledge how they actually feel. If someone was sick with major problems, they can just get help by asking for it, but if that person had a mental illness, their brain doesn't work well, so how will they? Nonetheless no one would even care because they are revolting, repulsive and repugnant! Now I know many of you may feel that there are more important diseases to take care of and I don’t disagree with you, but I hope I have persuaded you that the homeless is particularly vulnerable for our help, and if we even raise a little bit of money then we can at least alleviate some of their suffering. Despite this, I know in the most prosperous times there will always be homeless people because 3 % of the population has mental problems. You know you can help!

Anonymous · Answer

There are thousands of refugees, people who are enforced from their homelands by ordinary tragedy or military disagreement. Also the numbers of people that emigrate each year are just about one million, while another million are trying to find political protection. The latehomecomer is a story about a girl who had immigrated to the United States just like me. The experiences she faced in the United States compare to main are completely different. However, the three main differences are language experience, poverty, and missing family.

The first main difference between the author and I is the language experience. The author had a difficult time learning the English language. The author couldn’t speak English well enough; even though she graduated form high school. For instance, the author herself said, that she went approximately four schools. Some of the schools wouldn’t accept her because of her English ability. On the other hand, I too had some difficult moment but not similar to hers. When I came to America, I didn’t speak English so I went to welcome center for two years before I transfer to a high school. Of course, the class in which I had the major problem at first was English. It was so hard for me to write or to say the things that I wanted to neither my classmates nor my teacher. For example, it took me two years to improve my English whether it’s writing, reading or speaking. Now it’s much easier.

The second main difference between the author and I is the poverty. The author mentioned that she didn’t have enough money as a child. She had welfare money that arrives at the end of the month. For example, the money wasn’t enough. They were family of four and they received $605 every month; however, the half of the money goes to house utilities. They only had left $150 which they spent by the gas and the other resources they need in daily living. For me, when I came to the United States, I had my aunts and my uncles here before me. They provided me and my family with some money to buy things we need such as car, clothes and much more. For example, before I came here with my family, my aunts and my uncle rented us a house with every thing in it such as beds, refrigerator full of foods, TV and a computer.

The final main difference between the author and I is missing family. The author didn’t have her family together in one state. She and some other family members live in Minnesota while her grandmother and other half of her family members live in other states. For instant, when the author and her family members came to the U.S., they settle in many parts of the country such as California, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. In contrast, I had my all family with me how lucky of me. I came with all my family here in Columbus Ohio. Such as, I had my aunts and my uncle here before me.

To sum up, language experience, poverty, and missing family are the main differences between the author and I. The author had a hard time learning the language unlike me. Also as growing up, the author was in the lower class while I was maybe in the meddle class. In my perspective, the experience that the author had coming to the U.S. compare to main are totally different.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi Anon;
If you post something new, you will get more responses if you put it in a new thread. If you just add it to an old thread, most teachers will not notice it.

I have make some changes and underlined areas which need attention.

----------------------------------------------

There are thousands of refugees, people who are enforced from their homelands by ~~ordinary~~ tragedy or military action ~~disagreement~~. Also, the numbers of people that emigrate each year are just about one million, while another million are trying to find political protection (asylum). The latehomecomer is a story about a girl who had immigrated to the United States just like me. The experiences she faced in the United States compare to main are completely different. However, the three main differences (repetition of the idea in the last sentence) are language experience, poverty, and missing family.
The first main difference between the author and I is the language experience. The author had a difficult time learning the English language. The author couldn’t speak English well enough; even though she graduated form high school. For instance, the author herself said, that she went approximately four schools. Some of the schools wouldn’t accept her because of her English ability. On the other hand, I too had some difficult moment but not similar to hers. When I came to America, I didn’t speak English so I went to a welcome center for two years before I transfer to a high school. Of course, the class in which I had the major problem at first was English. It was so hard for me to write or to say the things that I wanted to neither my classmates nor my teacher. For example, it took me two years to improve my English ~~whether it’s~~ writing, reading and or speaking. Now it’s much easier.
The second main difference between the author and I is ~~the~~ poverty. The author mentioned that she didn’t have enough money as a child. She had welfare money that arrives at the end of the month. For example, the money wasn’t enough. They were a family of four and they received $605 every month; however, ~~the~~ half of the money goes to house utilities. They only had left $150 which they spent by the gas and the other resources they need in daily living. For me, when I came to the United States, I had my aunts and my uncles here before me. They provided me and my family with some money to buy things we need such as car, clothes and much more. For example, before I came here with my family, my aunts and my uncle rented us a house with every thing in it such as beds, a refrigerator full of foods, a TV and a computer.
The final main difference between the author and I is missing family. The author didn’t have her family together in one state. She and some other family members live in Minnesota while her grandmother and other half of her family members live in other states. For instant, when the author and her family members came to the U.S., they settle in many parts of the country such as California, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. In contrast, I had my all family with me how lucky of me. I came with all my family here in Columbus, Ohio. Such as, I had my aunts and my uncle here before me.
To sum up, language experience, poverty, and missing family are the main differences between the author and I. The author had a hard time learning the language unlike me. Also as growing up, the author was in the lower class while I was maybe in the meddle class. In my perspective, the experience that the author had coming to the U.S. compare to main are totally different.

Can someone check my essay please and correct errors and make improvements

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions