Can somebody check please? I am preparing for mi IELTS exam

Question

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to looks after their citizens themselves?

When we talk how to eradicate about poverty in the world, were most of the nations are poor, a lot of question rise up about who has the responsibility in it. In this essay I will explore two of them should the wealthy nations share and help among the poorer countries? Or should the government of poor country take care of it? My thesis is that both elements are necessary to eliminate poverty.

First of all, the wealthy nations, like Europeans, are wealthy because they in the past exploited the poorest one. More of the poor countries for centuries were colonies of the richest countries. We can see that in the Latin American, African and Asians poorest nations. The affluent countries take a lot of the natural resources of the poor one. For that reason should be a responsibility of the wealthy nations to help in the development of the other countries and be committed with the people of such nations. Without them, the poorest could not be able to eradicate poverty. It is a justice act to give back to the poor of today was taking away for them in the past.

On the other hand the government of the poor countries should lead their nations towards an economical and social development in an honest way, with responsibility. Considering that much of the poor nations have a big problem call corruption that made difficult for the poor population to move forward.

To eradicate poverty is necessary that all the countries get committed with it. To do that it is need more that just good will for the wealthy countries and the government of the others. It should be a responsibility of all of us that every person in the world have access to basics like food and education and shelter. Poverty is a man made so the solution could be also man made.

Thanks Ampollita

Philologist · Accepted Answer

Hi Ampollita!

On the whole, your essay looks rather good. I have highlighted my corrections with bold text. I suggest removing underlined phrases. I hope you can benefit from the corrections!

Cheers
Philologist

AmpollitaShould wealthy nations be required to share their wealth with poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to looks after their citizens themselves?

When we talk about how to eradicate about poverty in the world, where most of the nations are poor, a lot of questions emerge about who is responsible in it. In this essay I will explore two of them: Should the wealthy nations share with and help among the poorer countries? Or should the governments of poor countries take care of it? My thesis is that both elements are necessary to eliminate poverty.
On the one hand (You cannot use "on the other hand" without "on the one hand") the wealthy nations, like Europe's, are wealthy because they used to exploit the poorer countries. Most of the poor countries for centuries were colonies of the richest countries for centuries.
We can see that in the Latin-American, African and Asian poor nations. The affluent countries took a lot of the natural resources away from the poor one. For that reason it should be a responsibility of the wealthy nations to help in the development of the other countries and be committed to the people of such nations. Without them, the poorest would not be able to eradicate poverty. It is a just act to give back to the poor of today what was taken away from them in the past.

On the other hand, (COMMA) the governments of the poor countries should lead their nations towards an economical and social development in an honest way, with responsibility. Considering that Much of the poor nations have a big problem called corruption that makes it difficult for the poor population to move forward.

To eradicate poverty it is necessary that all the countries get (Slightly informal. Consider "become") committed to it. To do that it is need more than just good will for the wealthy countries and the government of the others (This seems to be unnecessary) is required. It should be a responsibility of all of us to ensure that every person in the world has access to basics like food, COMMA education, COMMA and shelter. Poverty is a man-made problem, so the solution can be found by man, too.

Ampollita · Answer

Philologist,

Tkanks a lot for check my essay, I really apprecite that I will considered all your corrections.

Thanks again

Ampolllita

Anonymous · Answer

hello Ampollita,

i think your essay is far from clean and you're going to need some time to work on it. i didnt underline or otherwise mark your mistakes because in that case I should have highlighted the whole text. lets see if it helps...

Should wealthy nations share part of their wealth with poorer nations by providing such human facilities as food and education to help them keep up? Or is it the governments of the poor nations responsible for prevailing poverty without leaning upon help from outside?

Today, when it comes to talking about attempting to eradicate poverty, numerous questions arise as to who should take responsibility for carrying this task out. In this essay I am going to be exploring whether should the wealthy countries help those ones in need or should the governments of the poor countries on behalf of their unity attend to solving their own problems. My point is that both terms are necessary to eliminate poverty.

On the one hand, the wealthy nations, such as the European, are for the most part well-off because they once exploited their poorer neighbours. For example, the Latin American, African and Asians people for centuries were kept in slavery and their masters had taken much of the natural and human resources out of them. For this very reason it should nowadays be responsibility of the wealthy nations to help those affected countries recover their lost property that once belonged to them and rise again.

On the other hand, the governments of the poor countries should endeavour to lead their nations towards increasing of economical and social development. However, apparently in most of the poor countries a problem called 'corruption' develops as well which prevents them from having rapid economical burst.

To thoroughly eradicate poverty it is necessary that all the countries take on this issue. To do that they certainly need more than just good will. It should be responsibility of all of us that every person in the world had access to basics like food, education and shelter. Poverty is man-made so the solution must be man-made accordingly.

If you really want to pass your exam, there's is some good articles or even howtos on writing essays at www.englishbiz.co.uk and much more. The author is a genuine english teacher who helps other students, apart from his own students, achieve higher grades in GCSE.

P.S. Using 'GET' throughout essay writing is something that cannot be accounted for!

Can somebody check please? I am preparing for mi IELTS exam

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Philologist,

Tkanks a lot for check my essay, I really apprecite that I will considered all your corrections.

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