Can somebody check and comment my essay?
Topic: How can animals be helpful to humans?
The helpfulness of animals to continued human existence is undeniable. To begin with, animals provide much of the meat eaten by the human population, whether farmed or hunted. Meat is considered an essential source of various nutrients, so animal-sourced food is a crucial part of humans' diet. Stopping using animals as food means that man must practice vegetarianism or a plant-based diet, which cannot provide sufficient nutrients for our body to function normally. Another advantage is that animals are needed in research to develop drugs and medical procedures for human wellbeing. For example, experiments in which dogs had their pancreases removed led directly to the discovery of insulin, critical to saving the lives of diabetics. Therefore, animal experimentations are pivotal factors for medical and scientific advancements and the safety of humans. Finally, Animals also contribute significantly to the economy. They are often concentrated in zoos or national parks where visitors have to pay to visit. Residents and locals also benefit from this. Monkey Island in Can Gio can be taken as a typical example. Visitors who want to visit the landscape and play with monkeys have to pay about 70,000 VND, which will contribute to increasing local revenue. To sum up, animals bring humans numerous benefits in different areas of human life.
My cohesion is not really good. So hope you check it carefully and give me comments so that I can do it better
Top answer
You use the word "human" too much. Normally we do not use this word except in the context of other living creatures. The helpfulness of animals to continued human existence is undeniable.
- You use the word "human" too much.
- Normally we do not use this word except in the context of other living creatures.
- The helpfulness of animals to continued human existence is undeniable.
- (This sentence is quite awkward and ungainly.
- ) To begin with, animals provide all much of the meat we eat, eaten by the human population , whether farmed or hunted.
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You use the word "human" too much. Normally we do not use this word except in the context of other living creatures.
The helpfulness of animals to continued human existence is undeniable. (This sentence is quite awkward and ungainly. Throughout our history, people have found animals so useful that without them, we might not have survived as a species.) To begin with
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