Can anyone please proofread my English short story?

Hello all,

(As I lost my username/password I had to sign up again in order to continue posting.)

Well, as a final project, I've got to write a two-page short story and I really would be grateful if someone proofreads it and let me know about the mistakes. I'm actually looking for both minor and major mistakes, even if you’d suggest a brand-new alternative for any of the sentences, I'd greatly appreciate it.

So besides replying to this post, feel free if you prefer to either contact me by email (Email Removed">Email Removed) or leave a comment on the page of the story.

It's available on the internet at:
http://epen.wordpress.com/2007/07/04/the-liar-shepherd/

Thanks in advance