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Ortho1111 Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Can anyone please help me proofread my college essay for applying to PITT?
I wrote an essay about a trip that changed my life. I plan on sending this in with my application to the University Of Pittsburgh. If anyone could please point out my errors and give any suggestions, i would appreciate it sooo much! thanks in advance.
Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans August 29, 2005. The hurricane killed over 1,577 people and evacuated over 45,000 people just in the city alone. Over 5 years after Katrina, life in New Orleans still is not the same as before the hurricane. Approximately 20,000 people are still homeless. In July of 2009 I took a trip to New Orleans with my church's youth group to help a family rebuild their home for an entire week.
When I saw New Orleans for the first time I thought that it was a pretty nice place. The hotel we stayed at was in the French Quarter and I couldn't tell that 80% of the city was once flooded. I then got a taste of reality when we boarded a bus to the Lower Ninth Ward where most of Hurricane Katrina's devastation occurred.
Looking out of the window, I saw cement slabs where grocery stores and shopping plazas once stood. I saw a very large post in the ground that looked like it was once Burger King sign. There were endless blocks of houses that were completely ruined. The windows were shattered and borded up, some of these houses had roofs that collapsed in. There was still debris everywhere you looked in grassy areas.
The bus stopped in front of a certain house and let everyone off of the bus. Everyone was very quiet and overwhelmed. We met a family of 4 that was effected by Hurricane Katrina and we were getting ready to rebuild their house. The family was so thankful for us and told us their story about how they lost everything and had to evacuate to Texas. After 7 days of hard work, their house was well on their way to being rebuilt. Another group of people came in after we left to continue working.
Witnessing everything that Hurricane Katrina left behind was a very grounding experience. It made me realize that in a blink of an eye, everything could be taken away. When I returned from New Orleans I believe I changed for the better. I began volunteering my time to Big Brothers Big Sisters and help tutor elementary school kids. I gave a presentation to anyone interested in Hurricane Katrina telling my story of what I saw. I also helped at multiple soup kitchens whenever I could. Going to New Orleans opened my eyes to not take anything for granted. If I had another opportunity to help another family effected by the hurricane, I would return again without a doubt.
Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans August 29, 2005. The hurricane killed over 1,577 people and evacuated over 45,000 people just in the city alone. Over 5 years after Katrina, life in New Orleans still is not the same as before the hurricane. Approximately 20,000 people are still homeless. In July of 2009 I took a trip to New Orleans with my church's youth group to help a family rebuild their home for an entire week.
When I saw New Orleans for the first time I thought that it was a pretty nice place. The hotel we stayed at was in the French Quarter and I couldn't tell that 80% of the city was once flooded. I then got a taste of reality when we boarded a bus to the Lower Ninth Ward where most of Hurricane Katrina's devastation occurred.
Looking out of the window, I saw cement slabs where grocery stores and shopping plazas once stood. I saw a very large post in the ground that looked like it was once Burger King sign. There were endless blocks of houses that were completely ruined. The windows were shattered and borded up, some of these houses had roofs that collapsed in. There was still debris everywhere you looked in grassy areas.
The bus stopped in front of a certain house and let everyone off of the bus. Everyone was very quiet and overwhelmed. We met a family of 4 that was effected by Hurricane Katrina and we were getting ready to rebuild their house. The family was so thankful for us and told us their story about how they lost everything and had to evacuate to Texas. After 7 days of hard work, their house was well on their way to being rebuilt. Another group of people came in after we left to continue working.
Witnessing everything that Hurricane Katrina left behind was a very grounding experience. It made me realize that in a blink of an eye, everything could be taken away. When I returned from New Orleans I believe I changed for the better. I began volunteering my time to Big Brothers Big Sisters and help tutor elementary school kids. I gave a presentation to anyone interested in Hurricane Katrina telling my story of what I saw. I also helped at multiple soup kitchens whenever I could. Going to New Orleans opened my eyes to not take anything for granted. If I had another opportunity to help another family effected by the hurricane, I would return again without a doubt.
Top answer
Here are my suggestions. The cross-outs show deletions in the original text; the boldface shows new wording or punctation. The brackets are my notes.
- Here are my suggestions.
- The cross-outs show deletions in the original text; the boldface shows new wording or punctation.
- The brackets are my notes.
- Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans on August 29, 2005.
- In the city alone , the hurricane killed over 1,577 people and forced evacuated over 45,000 people to evacuate just in the city alone .
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1 Answers
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Here are my suggestions. The cross-outs show deletions in the original text; the boldface shows new wording or punctation. The brackets are my notes.
Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans on August 29, 2005. In the city alone, the hurricane killed over 1,577 people and forcedevacuated over 45,000 people to evacuate just in the city
Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans on August 29, 2005. In the city alone, the hurricane killed over 1,577 people and forced
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