Can anyone please check my essay. It is about a shipwreck. 150-180 words only. If it is not good can u offer better one . Thanks

Question

One day, we were heading to Ireland through sea. While we were on the way, something horrible had happened ship and the waves started to rise. Great waves had hit the ship.
Everyone was scared small children were screaming and crying as the storm hit the ship more strongly. No one had hoped of us being saved. Everyone felt that we are going to die. I lost hope. After a while, the waves started rising more covered half of the ship. The captain then advised us to wear the safe suits and everyone took buckets and tried to get the water out of the ship, but they stopped that as they recognized that it wouldn’t help. Finally, a sight of relief came into us after noticing ships coming towards us from far away but, the relief went as the waves rose and started to cover the whole ship. All the people were drowning.
The ships that were coming for help reached us and the people on it tried to save as any people as they could. They took us to a close island, but sadly by the time the ships reached us the ship was destroyed and most of the people had drowned.

Kartik Raj Kanna · Accepted Answer

norahashem One day, we were heading to Ireland through sea. While we were on the way, something horrible had happened ship and the waves started to rise. Great waves had hit the ship. Everyone was scared small children were screaming and crying as the storm hit the ship more strongly. No one had hoped of us being saved. Everyone felt that we are going to die. I lost hope. After a while, the waves started rising more covered half of the ship. The captain then advised us to wear the safe suits and everyone took buckets and tried to get the water out of the ship, but they stopped that as they recognized that it wouldn’t help. Finally, a sight of relief came into us after noticing ships coming towards us from far away but, the relief went as the waves rose and started to cover the whole ship. All the people were drowning. The ships that were coming for help reached us and the people on it tried to save as any people as they could. They took us to a close island, but sadly by the time the ships reached us the ship was destroyed and most of the people had drowned.

I have made a few changes, which are typed in BOLD, in the rewritten essay.

One day, we were heading to Ireland through see. On the way, something horrible had happened to the ship and the waves had started to rise. Great waves hit the ship. Everybody were scared and small children were screaming and crying as the storm was hitting the ship with greater strength. None of us hoped of being saved. All of us felt that we were going to die. After a while, the waves had started rising more and filled half the ship. The captain then advised us to wear the safe suits and all of us took buckets and tried to get the water our of the ship, but we stopped as we recognized that it wouldn't help. Finally, we were relieved to see ships coming towards us from far away, but we lost our relief ( I do not know if this is correct ) as the waves had risen and started to cover the whole ship. All of us were drowning. By the time the ships reached us, the ship had been destroyed and most of us had drowned. The ships then saved as many of us as it could, and they took us to a nearby island.

Anonymous · Answer

I awoke, there was a crash on the upper deck. I heard a thunderous crackling from my head above. I ran up the stairs and what I saw devastated me. The small wooden boat was completely coated in billowy flames.
"Help, help, somebody please!"
I slowly moved towards the sound being careful to dodge flames as much as possible. The smoke was choking me. I could see a faint outline of a face across the deck. It was Tom, my lifelong friend

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and companion. He was completely surrounded by the bright flames.
"Tom are you OK!!"
"Yeah, but the fire has me surrounded!"
"Tom jump overboard, hurry!"
"But....but...."
"Do it quick, hurry!"
I hit the surprisingly cold water with a crash. I swam through the sea illuminated by the flames to find Tom.
"You okay buddy?"
"Yeah the flames were everywhere and I wasn't sure what to do."
"Well you did the right thing Tom."
Finally he was beside me riding over the waves. We found a large board that supported our

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weight and we began to circle the destroyed vessel. I began to feel weary from inhaling so much smoke. Everything was going dark and before long I couldn't hold on.

I don't know when I woke up. All I could feel was rugged sand all over my body and in my mouth. Land, we had washed ashore! Then I remembered fully what had happened last night. I began to look for Tom.
"Tom, Tom, Where are you!!"
There was no

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sign of him anywhere. Then I saw the footprints in the sand. I knew they were his because I had never seen a bigger pair of feet in my life. They were going towards the lofty trees ahead of me that lined the boundary of the seaside. I followed them to see him lying against an aged tree trunk. I went around to confront him and discovered he was passed out. Blood ran across his face and down his sandy

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chest.
"He must have hit a rock when the waves crashed him against the shore?"

I began to panic, I hurried to find something to cover his wound. I took a portion of his torn pants and wrapped his forehead up in it. He awoke with a scream of pain and looked around frantically trying to figure out what was going on.
"Tom are you OK?"
"Umm ya!"
"We were washed ashore and you probably hit your head on a rock."
"Well it sure

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does hurt but......but, I guess I'm all right."
We finally calmed down and we began to explore and figure out where we were. This wasn't exactly how I planned on spending my vacation in the Caribbean. I thought we would be taking it easy cruising across the rolling waves for two weeks. We had no idea where we were, and we had no idea how long we were going to be here. There seemed to be no signs of life so

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we ventured inward following a small stream of fresh water. The few palm trees began to form an amazing rain forest as we traveled deeper and deeper in to this mysterious place. We came to a small clear pond, it was a spring.
"Here Tom, this water is just what you need for your cut"
"Great, I can wash out my cut, it really hurts!"
"Here" I said as I splashed his forehead with the cold fresh water.
I knelt down and began

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to drink the cool clear water. It soothed my salty and sore throat.

We decided we needed something like a shelter to stay in. We carried sticks and leaves to a group of trees near the pond and before long we had a semi-efficient lean-to. I was cold after leaving the sun into the cool rain forest so I tried building a fire. After patiently striking a piece of flint against my pocket knife a flame shot up from the

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pile of brush. Before long I was as warm as sweating dog on a hot summer day.

The next morning we began to venture inward. We were cautious not to get lost. By scratching trees and drawing in the ground we made sure we could find our way back again. It was amazing, there was birds singing, monkeys swinging in trees and wildlife everywhere. The rain forest was so much cooler then on the beach. The sun couldn't shine down with

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the ferocity it would anywhere else.
"Did it just get hot, or is it just me?"
"Well it's not you it just got hotter Tom!"
"Why is that?"
"Really, to tell you the truth I don't know."
We walked for two hours, we were hot, tired and stiff. I rested to get a drink.
"Ouch!!!!"
The pain was astounding. The water was boiling hot!! I looked down at my hand and saw blisters and ****** skin.
"What happened to your hands!!"
"I....I don't know, I just placed my

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hand in the water and......."
Tom took a closer look and yelled "Phew, this water stinks like rotten cheese!"

He looked at me then at the stream. With a puzzled look on his face he took a tree branch and stuck it in the pool of water. Before our eyes we watched as it bubbled and the stick disintegrated before our astonished eyes. The water was acid, but why? Ah! Yes! it all made sense, the heat, the acid, we were

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on a volcanic island. We stood alarmed for quite a while until I heard a sound that made my turn pale.

A growl, a flesh hungry growl from behind my back. An animal ready to tear me limb from limb. I turned in an instant and

Can anyone please check my essay. It is about a shipwreck. 150-180 words only. If it is not good can u offer better one . Thanks

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