Can anyone help me with my IELTS writing?

Question

This line graph compares the proportion of unemployment in the countryside and cities in Australia in 2012.

Overall, the number of people that were out of work in rural areas surpassed those in urban areas in the first three quarters of the year and almost met each other in the last period.

Turning to details, in the first period, the percentage of people who were unemployed in rural areas slightly fell from 7% to 6%, while in the cities there was a sharp increase in the number of unemployed citizens from 2% to 4%.

There was an upward trend in the unemployment proportion in the two initial quarters of 2012 in the urban areas, before decreasing to 2%, which was the same as the first 3 months and then rose up to more than 4% in the last 3 months. By contrast, the proportion of unemployment in the countryside only rose 1% between the second and third quarter, and then there was
a downward trend at the end of 2012.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You forgot to include the instructions.

The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

This line graph compares the proportion of unemployment in the countryside and cities (incorrect. When reporting specific statistical measurements, you need to use the precise name of the measurement. These have very exact definitions. Synonyms have no definition. ) in Australia in 2012.

Unemployment rate definition:

The unemployment rate measures the share of workers in the labor force who do not currently have a job but are actively looking for work. People who have not looked for work in the past four weeks are not included in this measure. It is important to keep in mind that the rate measures the percent of unemployed job seekers in the labor force—the sum of employed and unemployed persons—and not the entire population.

Overall, the number of people that were out of work in rural areas (

That is mathematically not accurate. You cannot compare numbers with percentages when the basis for calculation is different. For example, suppose the urban areas have 50 million people in the workforce. In January, about 2.1.% were unemployed. That gives the number of people out of work as 1,050,000.

The rural areas have fewer people than the cities. (Actually, in 2012, 85% of the Australians lived in cities.) Suppose the rural workforce amounts to 10 million. In January, 6.5% were unemployed. That is a total of 650,000 people who are unemployed and seeking work.

So would you write in a report to a maths professor that 650,000 is a larger number than 1,050,000?

surpassed those in urban areas in the first three quarters of the year and almost met each other (not a good phrase) in the last period.

~~Turning to details,~~ (Read my advice) in the first period, the ~~percentage of people who were unemployed~~ unemployment rate in rural areas slightly fell from 7% to 6%, while in the cities there was a sharp increase in the number of unemployed citizens (incorrect expression. "Citizens" include the elderly, children, students and others that are not eligible to be included in this statistical measure. ) from 2% to 4%.

There was an upward trend in the unemployment proportion in the two initial quarters of 2012 in the urban areas, before decreasing to 2%, which was the same as the first 3 months and then rose up to more than 4% in the last 3 months. By contrast, the proportion of unemployment in the countryside only rose 1% between the second and third quarter, and then there was

a downward trend at the end of 2012.

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Can anyone help me with my IELTS writing?

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