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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Letter Writing
Can anyone help me improve the following paragraphs?
Can anyone help me improve the following paragraphs?
I would like seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard lights, which is located adjacent to the staff room of our ABC park. Over the past few weeks, we have learnt from the Railway Department that they are prepared to carry out a vast construction work within our park, where a bollard light is located. For facilitating the construction work, the Railway Department requested us to approve the removal of the bollard light and they expect to have our response as soon as possible. As such, we will be grateful if your department can help us assess the latest condition of the bollard light so that we can have a clear picture about the bollard light before weighting up their request. Should you have any queries, please feel free to contact me on 1234-5678.
Thank you!
I would like seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard lights, which is located adjacent to the staff room of our ABC park. Over the past few weeks, we have learnt from the Railway Department that they are prepared to carry out a vast construction work within our park, where a bollard light is located. For facilitating the construction work, the Railway Department requested us to approve the removal of the bollard light and they expect to have our response as soon as possible. As such, we will be grateful if your department can help us assess the latest condition of the bollard light so that we can have a clear picture about the bollard light before weighting up their request. Should you have any queries, please feel free to contact me on 1234-5678.
Thank you!
Top answer
You are far too wordy. The recipient will still be reading your letter when the light has been removed. We would like to seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard light adjacent to the staff room at ABC park.
- You are far too wordy.
- The recipient will still be reading your letter when the light has been removed.
- We would like to seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard light adjacent to the staff room at ABC park.
- The Railway Department is preparing a major construction project where the light is located, and they have asked us to approve its removal.
- They expect our response as soon as possible.
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1 Answers
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You are far too wordy. The recipient will still be reading your letter when the light has been removed.
We would like to seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard light adjacent to the staff room at ABC park. The Railway Department is preparing a major construction project where the light is located, and they have asked us to approve its removal. They exp
We would like to seek your prompt assistance in assessing the condition of a bollard light adjacent to the staff room at ABC park. The Railway Department is preparing a major construction project where the light is located, and they have asked us to approve its removal. They exp
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