Can anyone grade and give some comments to my IELTS writing tasks? Many thanks!

Task 1:

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given graph predicts how the percentage of people aged 65 and over changed over 100-year-period in the USA, Sweden and Japan

In general, there were upward trends in the proportion of population in three different countries. Japan is forecasted to be a country which has the percentage of the oldest population.

In 1940, USA was the largest proportion of people aged 65 and over, about 18%, followed by a slight increase to around 15% in 2000. There was a significant rise in the percentage of old population in Sweden, nearly 15%. Those of USA and Sweden are predicted to considerably grow at 23% and 25% respectively in upcoming 40 years.

Japan has the lowest percenatge of population aged 65 and over, at 5% in 1940, and it remained unchanged in next 60 years. However, Japan is forcasted to peaked at the highest point of over 25%, become the top of the proportion of old population in three countries.

Task 2:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

Answer

It is believed that when people are rich, they have more the opportunity to help other people. In my opinion, I partly agree with this view.

Being rich brings many advantages. Firstly, people are independent of the economy, they can donate money for the poor. For instance, the rich can join a charity such as provide shelters for the homeless, donate money or food or clothes. Secondly, the rich have particular success in their life so they are respected in social status. They are willing to fight for the right for the poor in case the poor are treated unfairly in their workplace or society. In more detail, more and more celebrities are fighting for black people who are being comtempted by white people. Finally, the rich can deal with financial problems immediately if their family struggled with money.

However, becoming richer, it is necessary for people to improve themself in relationships and knowledge. They need to broaden social relations and have chances to meet others who have high social status. Moreover, people also have opportunities to explore new horizons so that they have experiences in their life. For example, if they currently make plan to start-up a business, they can travel around the world to get more knowledge about different lifestyles, people and culture. And then these will help them to take shape ideas in their mind to provide some goods are suitable for demands.

In conclusion, being rich is not only has chances to help other people but also living better. In fact, younger people who are rich nowadays are aware of supporting others. These are good examples for the next generations to follow.