can anyone give me some advice about the sentence?

Question

I write an english sentence.Last week, my nose bled frequently with smelly feelings. I searched in the web, and it give me a terrible result. At that time, I realized that my life was so empty that anything could be mentioned about me if i left the world. can anyone give me some advice about the sentence above ?I am not familiar with english, and I want to learn english writing. hope for any help.  Thank you very much.

Philip · Accepted Answer

Welcome to the Forums!
I'm assuming that the three sentences are unrelated. If so, they should be separated (and even numbered).
1. Feelings don't smell, so I'm not sure what you mean here.
2. I searched the web, but it provided no helpful result.
3. ...that nothing (?) could be....

Guoyi03 · Answer

Thank you for your advises.
I modified as follows:

My nose bled two or three times every week over the past few months. It seems that I am sick. I searched the web about t
he symptoms I have, and some results show me that it is a serious desease. I went to the hosital to do a check. and lucki
ly, the result is nomal. But the things shocked me. I realized that my life was so empty that nothing could be mentioned
about me if i left the world. I should have a life adventure.

can you give me more advise or point out the problems? thank you very much.

Philip · Answer

Much better. Thanks. ...my life is so empty /// ...life of adventure

Guoyi03 · Answer

Thank you!<img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Anonymous · Answer

Reply to your first version.(Even I am not so good in English...English is my third language..You need to check it again)
My nose was bleeding frequently last week,I searched about the symptoms I have in the web, some results showed made me to feel I had(not sure "Have" or "Had" to be used here) got serious disease .I went to the hospital to have check up(It seems even it could have been "I went to the hospital to check"),luckily the report was normal.But the things shocked me I realized that ....(don't understand what do you want to say)

Anonymous · Answer

thanks

Anonymous · Answer

Ahem, sorry, but why would you answer if you're not fluent in English? No offence at all, I would love to be able to write as well in a foreign language but you have just provided more mistakes that will confuse the asker!

My nose bled two or three times every week over the past few months. It seems that I am sick. I searched the web about t
he symptoms I have, and some results show me that it is a serious desease. I went to the hosital to do a check. and lucki
ly, the result is nomal. But the things shocked me. I realized that my life was so empty that nothing could be mentioned
about me if i left the world. I should have a life adventure.

This is very good - to totally nitpick though I would say:

My nose bled two or three times a week for the past few months. I thought I must be sick/I seemed to be sick..... and some results indicated that it could be a serious disease. I went to the hospital for a check-up. Luckily the results were normal.

What do you mean by "the things" that shocked you?

But the whole experience shocked me. I realized that my life was so empty that there would be nothing to say about me if I left the world (right now.). I should have (or "really need/ought to have") a life adventure.

Watch the spelling and decide what tense you want to use - e.g. is this all in the past? Are the nose bleeds still happening even after the check-up at the hospital/or at the time of writing (doesnt matter if this is fiction or true life - you're the author, you decide!)? This is important because it changes the meaning of the rest of the passage, e.g. my nose has been bleeding (and still is) two or three times a week over the past few months. I think I must be sick. (I seem to be sick - present tense). I've searched the web... and some results indicate...etc.

Anonymous · Answer

One of the things we try to do in English is to make sentences shorter.

You can tell a foreign speaker because they use more words, more phrases, more prepositions.

A native speaker will use fewer words, and thereby sound more direct. Native speakers are also where you'll find colloquialisms and contractions. Gonna. Yup.

Try rewording your sentences to make them shorter, use a more descriptive word in place of three. Or break the sentence up into several shorter, more direct sentences.

Prepositions tell a reader to hold a phrase in memory as they continue reading. Too many and the reader has to slow his pace.

Try shorter, more direct sentences. Read Hemingway.

Anonymous · Answer

Not all english writers prefer to use use short, compact sentences, that's a stylistic question. A fair number of writers prefer rich, florid prose, with all the accoutrements that make reading a rich, pleasant experience, graceful to the mind and ear. The key is in building them correctly, and it also helps to vary sentence length. Too many simple sentences, and your work reads like a 5th grader's.

Anonymous · Answer

simple sentences are always acceptable by all kind of people

can anyone give me some advice about the sentence?

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