CAE essay, writing task part 1

It would be of a great help to me if somebody could give me his/her opinion regarding this essay. I am having a CAE exam next month, therefore I need to improve my writing. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks in advance.

You attended a debate at the town hall which discussed how new government money for the town should be spent. You have made the notes below:

How should the new government money be spent locally?

• Reduce local taxes by 1%
• More sports facilities
• New books and teachers for schools

Some opinions expressed during the debate:

"We pay too much tax, a tax cut helps everyone!"

"Having a healthier local population is more important than money."

"I don't play sports, what's in this for me?"

Write an essay, discussing two of the proposals in your notes. You should explain which proposal would help the town most, giving reasons in support of your answer.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the debate, but you should use your own words as far as possible.

Local authorities have been for a long time engaged in a discussion about how to reasonably spend finances in the vicinity of the town. As most people know, these finances might be a so much needed solution for the problems which are remaining unresolved. But what should be this finances used for ?

One approach that is appealing to many is the local tax cut by one percent. If this is issued, inhabitants will benefit from it equally. Consequently it could attract more investors into the area as recent economical movements indicate that companies would mostly prefer tax reliefs. The more companies we have in the proximity of our city the more money should be available each year. Although issuing a tax cut would be the most justful thing to do, several sectors that could use an increased budget would not be affected significantly.

Alternatively, In my opinion it is generally advisable to invest in education. One way to do this is to purchase newer books with modern teaching methods or to hire more teachers and help to reduce the number of students in one class. Taking these measures would lead to the increase in the literacy of young residentials.

From my point of view, having more educated people in our town should be the main priority. For that reason I would support hiring more teachers and buying new books for schools.