CAE essay check

I would be extremely grateful if someone could give me feedback on my essay

TASK (220 - 260 words):

You class has watched a studio discussion about factors which have contributed to the recent increase in international travel. You have made the notes below:

Factors contributing to the increase in international travel:

• methods of transport
• global business
• media

Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the factors in your notes. You should explain which factor has contributed more to the increase in international travel, providing reasons to support your opinion.

My work (225 words according to MS Word):

Over the few post decades, we have observed a significant surge in the number of international travelers. This has resulted in many obvious changes to our society, such as globalization, for instance. In this essay, I shall consider two of the factors contributing to this situation.

It goes without saying, that the state of transport we see today was heavily shaped by rapid advancements in the field of automobility and aviation. Nowadays, travelling is safer, more convenient ant less time consuming than ever before. Furthermore, as a result of the constant struggle to become eco-friendly companies have been enforced to introduce more economical solutions, hence rendering travel more affordable. As a result, activities such as flying are accessible to almost everyone, without regard to their financial status.

Moreover, it has been suggested that the spiking number of international companies contributed to the matter. In theory, this seems to be true - more offices around the world mean additional places for employees to travel to. However, with the pervasive presence of online, instant communicators, most matters can be resolved without the need of face to face meetings.

In view of the above factors, I believe advancements in the methods of transportation contributed predominantly to the increase in travel. It has lifted the associated cost barrier, and as a result, made it available to the general public