CAE essay

Question

Hello. Time to my CAE exam is shortening and would be most grateful if somebody could review my essay. Thanks in advance.

You attended a debate at a local community centre at which a proposal to launch a new local TV station was discussed. You have made the notes below:

What would be the benefits of a new local TV station?

news
community events
local businesses

Some opinions expressed during the debate:

"TV is dying. Everyone uses the internet."

"Will younger people engage with local television?"

"TV service can't just become vehicle for wall-to-wall advertising!"

Write an essay, discussing two of the benefits in your notes. You should explain which benefit you think would be most important, giving reasons in support of your answer.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the debate, but you should use your own words as far as possible.

There has been a discussion amongst citizens as to why should we found a new regional television. Regional television would be a vital project for our society, because for now there is not any medium which might inform us about the events in the vicinity. Also town´s manufacturers do not have any ground where they can propagate their products.

The most significant community events are not being advertised and therefore do not receive proper attention. If we were to support the local TV, it would draw attention to our festivals. Festivals are unavoidable part of every community. What is most crucial is that they are making socializing more accessible. Having stronger ties to one another should help us overcome many daily problems such as neighborhood arguments.

Meanwhile, little businesses are losing to mega corporates, not because of the lower quality of products, but because people do not know about them. The more successful city´s businesses are, the more local economy would prosper. Consequently, in the long term everybody might be better off. As to customers, they would especially gain from individualistic approach and when it would be necessary, more available way to refund the thing they bought.

To conclude, regional television would be beneficial to the community and local economy. It is there by advisable to continue the development of this medium. In my opinion, the best result would be observed in the popularity increase of local festivals.

Poster · Accepted Answer

There has been a discussion amongst citizens as to why should we found a new regional television. [This is not a direct question requiring inversion of subject and verb: inversion is not required in indirect questions and noun clauses. This is essential grammar for CAE. Also, why or whether? ] Regional television would be a vital * project for our society, because for now there is not any [no] medium which might inform [medium to inform] us about the events in the vicinity. [What? No local newspaper? No social media page?] Also [missing article] town´s manufacturers do not have any ground where they can propagate [advertise? promote? Propagation is for the garden nursery.] their products.

* the original meaning of "vital" was necessary to sustain life, so if the project is vital, why is the society not dead already? a sorely needed project to revitalize society in our area?

The most significant community events are not being advertised and therefore do not receive proper attention. [attendance?] If we were to support the local TV, it would draw attention to our festivals. [provide space to advertize local festivals and social events.] Festivals are [missing article] unavoidable part of ['an unavoidable part of' would refer to something unpleasant such as removing bodies from a bad car accident.] every community. What is most crucial ['crucial' is an non-gradable, absolute adjective, either black or white with no grey in between: 'absolutely crucial' is okay, but not 'more crucial'.] is that they [Festivals, or advertisements? ] are making socializing more accessible. Having stronger ties to one another should help us overcome many daily problems such as neighborhood arguments. [I am not convinced by this argument, which sounds rather far-fetched. In my experience, people do not sort out neighborhood arguments at festivals. An examiner might wonder whether lack of suitable vocabulary was restricting your ideas or argument.]

Meanwhile, little businesses are losing [Phrasal verb: losing out to] to mega corporates ["Mega" is a prefix not an adjective so "mega-corporates" or large corporates.], not because of the lower quality of products, but because people do not know about them. The more successful [missing determiner] city [Did you mean local? The link/reference was not immediately clear.]´s businesses are, the more [missing article] local economy would [First and second conditionals are rarely mixed.] prosper. Consequently, in the long term everybody might be better off. As to customers, they would especially gain from [missing article] individualistic approach [What do you mean by "individualistic approach"? Face-to-face customer service? Or a more personal approach? ] and when it would be [omit] necessary, [missing article] more available [easily accessible] way to obtain a refund ~~the thing they bought~~.

To conclude, regional television would be beneficial to the community and local economy. It is there by [It would be ] advisable to continue the development of this medium. In my opinion, the best result would be observed in the popularity increase [increased popularity] of local festivals.

I am wondering whether it would be a good idea to address the issue of whether young people would actually watch a local television station, as suggested in the question.

The rule of thumb for countable nouns is that the singular needs an article or some other determiner except in a set phrase such as "at school". This why countable vs non-countable is important.

CAE essay

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