by, about, at

Question

Hi,'She was really upset about the way her friend treated her.'Is it ok to use 'by' or 'at' instead of 'about' in the above sentence? Is there any difference among 'be upset about', 'be upset by' and 'be upset at'?Thanks

Hoa Thai · Accepted Answer

AnonymousHi,

'She was really upset about the way her friend treated her.'

Is it ok to use 'by' or 'at' instead of 'about' in the above sentence? Is there any difference among 'be upset about', 'be upset by' and 'be upset at'?

Thanks

Hi,

It is all right to use either one in the above sentence. The difference among them is rather subtle - maybe none. However, I use 'about' for content related, 'at' for manner, 'by' for something that I cannot pin down.

Others might have different opinions.

Best,
Hoa Thai

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you very much, Hoa Thai.
I would like to know what native speakers think about this. Could you make any comments about it?
Do all the three prepositions collocate with 'upset' here?
When do we use 'upset about', 'upset by' and 'upset at' if there is any difference?'
Thank you in advance

CalifJim · Answer

All three prepositions can be used with the verb upset. upsetis but one of a large class of verbs called psych-verbs, that is, verbs of psychological state. The list of these verbs is as long as your arm.

All of them can take the preposition by. Many also take either about or at or both. Even on or because of can be used.

by indicates that the subject is directly affected by the complement of by.

The children were amused by the clown. (The clown directly amused the children.)
The neighbors were upset by the noise. (The noise directly upset the neighbors.)
The audience was enthralled by the singer. (The singer enthralled the audience.)

at suggests that the subject has a reaction to seeing or hearing (or coming to know in some other way) the complement of at. The verb feel is commonly used in these expressions, as is the explicit mention of seeing or hearing some act. on and because of are also fairly close in meaning to at. on is followed by an -ing form, and it is more literary and formal.

John's parents were upset at the news that he had been in a car accident.
Also: John's parents were upset at/on hearing the news that he had been in a car accident.
Also: John's parents were upset because of the car accident.
(They reacted by feeling upset when they heard that news.)

Karen was crushed at her failure to pass the final exam.
Also: Karen was crushed at/on learning that she had failed the final exam.
Also: Karen felt crushed because of her failure on the exam.
(She reacted by feeling crushed when she learned the news.)

Henry felt saddened at the death of his grandfather.
Also: Henry was saddened at/on hearing that his grandfather had died.
Also: Henry felt saddened because of the death of his grandfather.
(He reacted by feeling sad when he heard the news.)

about suggests that the subject is not as directly involved or acted upon as with by or at. The subject's reaction is almost more of an opinion about news about someone else. In any case, about makes the matter more remote or abstract. The verb feel is sometimes used in these expressions as well.

Many citizens are upset about the voter fraud that has been going on in this city.
Larry was pleased about the way the party turned out. Everything was a success.
Most of the employees felt disgruntled about the pay cuts.

So in general, from those that indicate the most direct effect on the subject to the least effect, the order is by, on, at, because of, about.

And not all psych-verbs can take all of these prepositions.

CJ

Anonymous · Answer

Hello CJ,

I am very grateful for your very clear and detailed explantion! I really appreciate your kind help.

Would you please tell me what 'turned out' means in the sentence:
"Larry was pleased about the way the party turned out."
______

According to your explanation, I think 'by' might be better and 'about' is not good in the sentence:
'She was really upset about the way her friend treated her.'
Do you think so, too?
___________

Would you please check which of the three prepositions sounds the best in the following sentence?
'I was upset ___ his uncaring attitude toward the tragic news.
(A)by (B)at (c)about

Thanks a lot.

by, about, at

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions