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Son SuJin Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Business email
Hi, guys
This is my next assignment, business letter. I'm supposed to be a partner of a business man who are coming to my country in the letter. I've checked my writing, and I corrected a few. but still there could be a few more to be corrected. so, can anyone help me?
Dear Mr. Smith,
My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days. Please find an attached proposed itinerary for your two-day trip in Jeju.
As you can see from the itinerary, you’re going to stay in Haevichi hotel where I’ve booked you. Haevichi hotel will be the best place for you to rest during your Jeju trip. Haevichi hotel has gained a reputation as a six-star hotel and it is well-known as the restaurants where you’ll have original and fine Korean dishes and enjoy teas. You’re able to use sports and leisure facilities in the hotel such as fitness club, sauna, spa and indoor swimming pool. On 26th of Tuesday, I’ve arranged the time for playing golf at Haevichi’s country club which and Japan Professional Golf Match was held. I’ve also planed to go sightseeing on Wednesday. There is near the hotel. The Museum is the first Asian private exhibition center. You can see more than 70 luxurious vehicles. In the evening, we are going to take a yacht tour off the shore. It’ll take about an hour and we can see the sunset on the yacht as well.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re obviously interested in playing golf and sightseeing. Therefore, I’m trying to make my full effort to make you satisfied with the plans. I would like you to be satisfied with this itinerary.
If you need more details or have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
We look forward to seeing you soon.
Sincerely,
Sujin Son
This is my next assignment, business letter. I'm supposed to be a partner of a business man who are coming to my country in the letter. I've checked my writing, and I corrected a few. but still there could be a few more to be corrected. so, can anyone help me?
Dear Mr. Smith,
My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days. Please find an attached proposed itinerary for your two-day trip in Jeju.
As you can see from the itinerary, you’re going to stay in Haevichi hotel where I’ve booked you. Haevichi hotel will be the best place for you to rest during your Jeju trip. Haevichi hotel has gained a reputation as a six-star hotel and it is well-known as the restaurants where you’ll have original and fine Korean dishes and enjoy teas. You’re able to use sports and leisure facilities in the hotel such as fitness club, sauna, spa and indoor swimming pool. On 26th of Tuesday, I’ve arranged the time for playing golf at Haevichi’s country club which and Japan Professional Golf Match was held. I’ve also planed to go sightseeing on Wednesday. There is near the hotel. The Museum is the first Asian private exhibition center. You can see more than 70 luxurious vehicles. In the evening, we are going to take a yacht tour off the shore. It’ll take about an hour and we can see the sunset on the yacht as well.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re obviously interested in playing golf and sightseeing. Therefore, I’m trying to make my full effort to make you satisfied with the plans. I would like you to be satisfied with this itinerary.
If you need more details or have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
We look forward to seeing you soon.
Sincerely,
Sujin Son
Top answer
I have underlined some problems and crossed out unnecessary verbiage. You sound too much like a tourist brochure, and don't tell a guest what 'he is going to do'-- all should be a polite invitation to do if he wishes: Dear Mr. Smith, My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days.
- I have underlined some problems and crossed out unnecessary verbiage.
- You sound too much like a tourist brochure, and don't tell a guest what 'he is going to do'-- all should be a polite invitation to do if he wishes: Dear Mr.
- Smith, My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days.
- Please find an attached proposed itinerary for your two-day trip in Jeju.
- As you can see from the itinerary, I've booked you into the Haevichi hotel .
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1 Answers
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I have underlined some problems and crossed out unnecessary verbiage. You sound too much like a tourist brochure, and don't tell a guest what 'he is going to do'-- all should be a polite invitation to do if he wishes:
Dear Mr. Smith,
My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days. Please find an attached proposed itinerary for your two-day tri
Dear Mr. Smith,
My name is Sujin Son, and I’m in charge of your trip for two days. Please find an attached proposed itinerary for your two-day tri
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