Blind Love

Hi Anita,

You got this kind of touch to choose your words, your expressions, your metaphors…

I find your poems full of signals, warmth, love, kindness…

Go ahead! It’s really amazing…

Simo

Thanks a lot Simo.... That is the most impressive and encouraging comment that I ever got.
I'm so glad that u like my poems....

hi Anita

Thanks

ambitious from Yemen

You are welcome... though I'm not sure why u thanked me!

Hello again Anita

I'm late again, as always – but I'll be here again tomorrow. Just a couple of first thoughts:

'Whiffed' is quite a difficult word to use: it has implications of a not very pleasant smell.

I wondered too whether the 'nose' stanza should move down the poem: maybe to position 3. Noses are strange, in English; I think we find them slightly humorous. If

The mouth...
Spread the smile
of our togetherness

The ears...
Traced the footsteps
Of our Life

The nose...
Scented the fragrance
of your Love

The eyes in my brain...
Embraced extended arms
of eternal bliss

Life for me...
Against dark background
has lit up brilliance.

I am blind...

Stanza 4 is where I pause. Something in the rhythm seems a little different here. 'The eyes in my brain' is quite close to 'in my mind's eye'; but then the mouth and ears and nose stand alone. Should #4 parallel the first three stanzas more closely, do you think? (But it's difficult to comment on a love poem. Maybe love poems are best left as they are.)

I don't know why noses should be

well, its really about a blind person and I wanted that to get through and so couldn't use just 'eyes'. A blind person senses things though can't see them... I really didn't know how to get that thro'.... Maybe some help from u would be appreciated.

Ah! Now I see.

That's difficult. Presumably you don't want it to be too obvious at the beginning that the speaker is blind: you want the reader to begin with the assumption that 'blind love' is simply a metaphor, and then get a jolt at some point when he realizes it's literal.

I'll think some more.

MrP

Blind people feel faces with their fingers. Would there be room for a stanza about 'touch'?

(Just a thought!)

MrP