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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Best Way To Structure A Particular Sentence
Original: I personally thought FX found a script-gem and was on the right path contracting this show on their network but it didn't pan out.
My edit: Personally, I thought FX unearthed a script-of-a-gem and could have been on the right path contracting this show on their network but it didn't pan out for obvious reasons.
Do you think my edit did justice?
My edit: Personally, I thought FX unearthed a script-of-a-gem and could have been on the right path contracting this show on their network but it didn't pan out for obvious reasons.
Do you think my edit did justice?
Top answer
Yes and no. For one thing, there is no mention of 'for obvious reasons' in the original. The prime directive of rewriting is to maintain integrity of content.
- Yes and no.
- For one thing, there is no mention of 'for obvious reasons' in the original.
- The prime directive of rewriting is to maintain integrity of content.
- I suggest: Personally, I thought FX unearthed a gem of a script and was on the right path to contracting this show for their network , but it didn't pan out.
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1 Answers
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Yes and no. For one thing, there is no mention of 'for obvious reasons' in the original. The prime directive of rewriting is to maintain integrity of content. I suggest:
Personally, I thought FX unearthed a gem of a script and was on the right path to contracting this show for their network, but it didn't pan out.
Personally, I thought FX unearthed a gem of a script and was on the right path to contracting this show for their network, but it didn't pan out.
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