beheading

Question

I was enjoying the view on the bus. All of a sudden, I felt a splash on my left shoulder. I looked over and saw a man standing there repeatedly stabbing the guy sitting next to me. He was sleeping a minute before. He tried to escape but was too weak and soon fell down to the floor. I took the opportunity to get off the bus. At one point, I looked back and the attacker was beheading him.

Are there any mistakes?
Thanks.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

It's pretty good.

I was enjoying the view on the bus. All of a sudden, I felt a splash on my left shoulder. I looked over and saw a man standing there repeatedly stabbing the guy sitting next to me. He was sleeping a minute before. He tried to escape but was too weak and soon fell ~~down~~ to the floor. I took the opportunity to get off the bus. At one point, I looked back and the attacker was beheading him.

Clive

New2grammar · Answer

Thanks, Clive.

Philip · Answer

You did a good job of reporting what I saw on the news yesterday!

New2grammar · Answer

HAHA... I don't know the whole story. I sort of guessed a bit based on what a passenger told CNN. Horrible story!

CalifJim · Answer

Here's my version:
I was enjoying the view on from the bus. All of a sudden, I felt a splash on my left shoulder. I looked ~~over~~ up and saw a man ~~standing there~~ repeatedly stabbing the guy sitting next to me, a guy who He ~~was~~ had been sleeping only a minute before. He tried to escape but was already too weak from his injuries and soon ~~fell down to~~ collapsed on the floor. I took the opportunity to get off the bus. At one point, I looked back, and the attacker was beheading him.

CJ

New2grammar · Answer

You highlighted in red the two items that I deliberately inserted to see how poor they are.

I know on the bus can mean the view inside the bus but I believe it can take another meaning -me on the bus) So it's considered ambiguous. Would a native speaker misunderstand it to mean the former?

CalifJimthe view on from the bus

How bad is was here, CJ? If I prolong the pause before starting the sentence, would it be more acceptable?

CalifJimHe ~~was~~ had been sleeping only a minute before.

CalifJim · Answer

New2grammarYou highlighted in red the two items that I deliberately inserted to see how poor they are. Big Smile

You are so clever!

New2grammarWould a native speaker misunderstand it to mean the former?

Probably not, given the context. In fact, consider this: The only way I was able to "correct" the preposition is that I understood exactly what you meant by the "wrong" preposition!

New2grammarHow bad is was here, CJ?

It depends who you ask! My brain insists on had been, so I would answer "very bad"; yet others in this thread accepted was. Personally, I don't think a pause would help.

CJ

New2grammar · Answer

CalifJimI understood exactly what you meant by the "wrong" preposition!

CJ, sorry. Are you saying knowing that on is ambiguous, you avoided it?

CalifJim · Answer

New2grammar
CalifJimI understood exactly what you meant by the "wrong" preposition!
CJ, sorry. Are you saying knowing that on is ambiguous, you avoided it?

No, not really. I did not see on as ambiguous. the view on the bus is, to me, the view of what is happening on the bus -- within the confines of the bus -- the people who are there, traveling with you inside the bus, for example, and the seats, some occupied, some not -- and so on.
Yet from the story, it seemed only natural that this was not intended. In the story the view was outside the bus. So it was fairly easy to understand that when you said the view on the bus, you had chosen the wrong preposition because you really meant the view from the bus.
It is so easy to "correct" the preposition mentally while reading the story quickly that most people won't even notice that view on the bus was written when view from the bus was intended.

CJ

New2grammar · Answer

Thanks, CJ.

beheading

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