before retirement

Self-evidently his wins must have happened before he retired, so it seems to me that there needs to be another reason why you are mentioning it. Do you mean to say that he retired immediately after the second win? If so, the second sentence seems to suggest that more strongly, though it still could be said more explicitly.

The sentence is excerpted from the following paragraph.

Pele is called the greatest soccer player in the world. He started playing soccer when he was only a teenager. He grew up in a poor family, and he had to live on polishing shoes. He played his first professional soccer match when he was 16 years old. Before he retired, he won the World Cup twice. Pele, whose current age is

contiluoThe sentence is excerpted from the following paragraph.Pele is called the greatest soccer player in the world. He started playing soccer when he was only a teenager. He grew up in a poor family, and he had to live on polishing shoes. He played his first professional soccer match when he was 16 years old. Before he retired, he won the World Cup twice. Pele, whose c

I have revised the errors in underlined parts as follows. Are they correct?

Pele is called the greatest soccer player in the world. He started playing soccer when he was only a teenager. He grew up in a poor family, and he had to make a living by polishing shoes. He played his first professional soccer match when he was 16 years old. Before he retired, he went on to win th

contiluo he had to make a living by polishing shoes

Yes. Perhaps I would omit the word "by" though.

contiluoBefore he retired, he went on to win the World Cup twice

For me, this is mixing two temporal perspectives and does not totally work.

contiluoPele, who is currently 75 years old,

Yes.