Asking help to make correction on this motivation letter.

Most part of this letter is copied from this forum!

January 1, 2011.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to apply for the Master in International Business Management.
I have concluded my Master of Commerce in Accounting from Dhaka City College in 2003 and Bachelor of commerce (Honours) in Accounting from Govt. B.L College, Khulna in 2000 both under National University, Gazipur, Bangladesh. Soon after completion my Masters, I was on a hunt for a job at a well established company which could be supporting my educational backgrounds and become a source of learning for me in my professional career.
I was fortunate enough to get appointed before published my result of Master of Commerce as a junior officer in the Accounting and Administration Division of Executive Motors Limited (BMW Bangladesh), Dhaka, Bangladesh, in mid of 2003, which was leading automotive company and sole distributor and service provider for BMW vehicle in Bangladesh. In three and half years working for the same company I had promoted as Executive, Accounts and Admin (After Sales Department). As I had a vision to set my own business and had been planning to start in the field of export & import trading. December 2006, I had resigned from Executive Motors and started my own trading business under experiment with some of my friends by importing spices from China. Presently I am importing & manufacturing cosmetics and toiletries products and distributing by sales network. Also indenting some industrial basic materials in short range. After started my own business I feel that international exposure is vital to understand my net worth as a new entrepreneur as it has become clear to me that in today's business world, internalization of economics and market, international communication is being positive manner and technology is transforming the nature and pace of business and trade in the international arena.
Since, I lack exposure to the tools and concepts relating to management of a business on an international level, it limits my capabilities to grow in the industry where broad exposure is vital to achieve personal and professional growth. Also, I have a vision to manage my own business on an international level and my ultimate objective is to become a well seasoned business professional. Therefore, I realized that it is the right time to enhance capabilities to ensure my growth in this highly competitive corporate world. With passion and persistence I initiated search for a source of transformation for my personal and professional capabilities.
After searching countless hours for a suitable course to develop my capabilities I decided to study the program offered, "Masters Degree in International Business Management" by your University. On the International Relations side I get to understand the theory and the policy behind not only the International Trading system but trade relations between state and non state sectors. However, on the business side I will be exposed to the processes involved in strategic management, International business operations, International management and global growth strategies.
I believe that with the specialized academic environment, developed over the years by dedicated researchers, teachers and even students at The University of .. will put me on the fast tract to a career in international business. The wide range of knowledge acquired during the course at your University will enable and equip me with the skills and competence required in rapidly changing corporate world.
Since, I acquired Bachelor degree in commerce, with an aim to strengthen my foundation with basic concepts of economics, trade, finance and commerce. It helped in my career as I gained working experience in the business of trading and distributing. After thoroughly studying the implications of this field I am completely determined to pursue a degree in international business with keen interest and dedication that will lead me to achieve brilliant success at your university.
I feel that my educational as well as working achievements are adequate to make me eligible of being enlisted at the university of .., to become a successful business professional.
I am totally confident in my abilities and wish to assure the evaluation board that I would bring my own experience, learning, educational background and exposure gained throughout my academic and professional period. It would be very enlightening to share and exchange thoughts and ideas with a group of people who are from different nationalities, cultural orientations and schools of thought on one platform.
Finally I can say that I look forward to join this Master in International Business Management in university of .. in order to prove my abilities and gain new skills and I will be patiently waiting for a positive reply.
Thank you for considering my application and your time.

Your Sincerely
Shibbir Ahmed
Gazipur Bangladesh