Asking for your proofreading for my task 2 ielts writing. Thank you

Extreme sports have evolved as a major concern in modern society due to the huge numbers of risks involved. While some people think that government should prohibit those sports, I would contend that such a policy would be off out all proportion to this phenomenon.

There is a common belief that the risk elements of certain sports are antecedent reasons for such a ban. Advocates of banning policy argue that more injuries and deaths increase even though participants are physically and mentally prepared. For instance, sky-divers are more prone to the risks associated faulty equipment that could render them vulnerable than any other ordinary sports. In addition, playing extreme sports cost a fortune, which derives from the sports itself and the related accidents. Preventing such a consequence by imposing an official ban would not only reduce the harm to the economic benefit of society but also lessen the possibility of physical or emotional harm for those participates in the dangerous games.

However, I am convinced that people should have their autonomy to play any sports that they want, regardless of their danger. Firstly, those who are eligible to participate a dangerous sport that requires strict conditions could have the ability to gain the personal achievement. For example, an individual could win internal awards and strengthen personality, such as affirmation that come from one’s effort to overcome sport’s challenges. Besides, there is an ethical concern which dictates that one should have the freedom to pursue any extreme challenges given that one is fully aware of related problems. This further makes adults who decide to take part in risky sports to be more responsible for their involvements and consequences of such practices.

To conclude, although government’s restriction of extreme sports is worthwhile in the view of some people, I firmly believe that the freedom of participating in risky sports should be more prioritized.