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Joanne124 Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

ASK FOR WRITING CORRECTION-IELTS WRITING TASK 2-YOUNG PEOPLE INVOLVING IN SOCIAL PROBLEMS

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spend time at work than with their children.

To what extent do you agree?

That social problems involving juvenile is increasing in recent days has drawn great concern from society. People suppose this issues derives from the insufficient care of whose parents spend more time at work than at home. In my opinion, I completely agree with this given argument.

First, children hardly differentiate between good and bad evil without parental education. Parents are the very first teachers who teach their children about social norms. If these adults keep themselves too busy at companies, there is no one at home to tell their infants what should they do in a particular situation and which behaviors are intimidated . Besides, these kids are not encouraged to help elders and take care of other members of the family because they get no sample to learn from. More serious than that, minors who are left alone may access social websites containing violent content, or get addicted to online games. Without proper instruction from parents, those poor kids are at the edge of going astray and becoming violence-oriented.

Second, children may try to misbehave to catch their parent’s attention. Kids are always in need of great concern from their beloved mothers and fathers. Those who have parents prioritizing time at work above home will feel lonely. They may try to break school rules or even commit crimes to get the concern of their parents. Furthermore, when children are at puberty age, they will have to face many changes in both mental and physical development. In this sensitive stage, unless they received enough caring from family members, they tend to have boyfriends or girlfriends to seek for support. However, if their friends are tending to succumb to temptation, they are likely to be affected and commit sins.

Parents are the most trustworthy counselors and the best friends of their children. Leaving adolescence at home for business may cause them to do wrong since they are not received enough care and instruction from their adults. People who are being in the parenthood should rank an equivalent time gathering with their kids to give them the advice and to be by their side on their way to maturity.

  

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3 Answers
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Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
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Joanne124Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spend time at work than with their children

Where did you get this topic? Did you copy this correctly? The statement is incorrect as written.

Here are some correct versions:

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. 
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That social problems involving juvenile (Juvenile is an adjective - juvenile delinquent, juvenile crime. You have used the word incorrectly.) is increasing in recent days has drawn great concern from society. (This seems like a memorized response. It will not get you a good score. Besides "

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