ASK FOR WRITING CORRECTION-IELTS WRITING TASK 2-WOMAN NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED TO GET MARRIED

Question

In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring.

To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, woman workplace is expanding beyond the kitchen zone. They can go to work and earn money themselves, therefore, marriage is no longer a must for them to pursue a steady life.

Firstly, an independent lifestyle-oriented bring woman more choices than they are in the past. Last century, the adult female is not allowed to dream of any well-pail jobs but to become a housewife to ensure their living. However, thanks to a lot of revolutions in the 19th century, lady these days can take over any occupy that a man can. They may choose to be a teacher, a doctor, or even a police officer as long as they want. Instead of dedicating their whole life to a partner and children, they can purchase a wealthy business or doing volunteer work all around the world. Once the income is no longer the thread to women, there is no reason defending them to enjoy their freedom.

Secondly, females in 21st become more and more careful about choosing their spouse. Through plenty of achievements, woman proves their values and set higher requirements for their mate. Women seem to be not afraid of being single. They would like to wait and experience for years until they find out the man that suits them the most. Furthermore, some girls prefer being in a relationship with their boyfriends without getting into a wedding ceremony. Modern-day witnesses many couples getting divorced, that’s why people don’t tend to tie in their relationship anymore. They keep it as a relation of boyfriend and girlfriend so that when love is no longer remain, they can say goodbye without the involvement with the law.

In conclusion, women don’t take marriage as seriously as they were in the past because they can earn their salary. On becoming the owner of their life, a woman can decide whether or not to get married and marry whom themselves.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Joanne124 ASK FOR WRITING CORRECTION-IELTS WRITING TASK 2-WOMAN NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED TO GET MARRIED

Do not post instructions in the "Subject" line.

Joanne124In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring.

There are grammatical errors in the topic. Please copy the instructions accurately.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Nowadays, woman workplace (ungrammatical expression) is expanding beyond the kitchen zone. (wrong expression) They can go to work and earn money themselves, therefore, marriage is no longer a must for them to pursue a steady life. (wrong expression)

You did not answer the essay prompt clearly, so you will lose points for "task completion." The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common type of IELTS Task 2 essays.

Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------
somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally

Slight agreement / disagreement:
----------------
a little (bit)

~~Firstly~~, First, an independent lifestyle-oriented (ungrammatical expression) bring woman more choices than they are in the past. (ungrammatical A woman is not a choice, is she?) Last century, (wrong expression) the adult female (Which one?) is not allowed to dream of any well-pail (wrong expression. A pail is a bucket.) jobs but to become a housewife to ensure their living. However, thanks to a lot of revolutions (wrong word) in the 19th century, lady (wrong form) these days can take over (wrong word choice) any occupy (wrong word. occupy is a verb. ) that a man can. They may choose to be a teacher, a doctor, or even a police officer ~~as long as~~ (wrong expression ) if they want. Instead of dedicating their whole life to a partner and children, they can purchase a wealthy (wrong word) business or doing (wrong form) volunteer work all around the world. Once the income is no longer the thread (wrong word) to women, there is no reason defending them to enjoy their freedom. (I have no idea what you mean here.)

~~Secondly~~, Second, females in 21st (wrong expression) become more and more careful about choosing their spouse. Through plenty of achievements, woman (wrong form) proves their values and set higher requirements for their mate. Women seem to be not afraid of being single. They would like to wait and experience (poor English) for years until they find out (wrong verb) the man that suits them the most. Furthermore, some girls prefer being in a relationship with their boyfriends without getting into a wedding ceremony. (wrong expression) Modern-day witnesses (wrong expression. "modern day" is not hyphenated. A witness is someone who sees a crime and brings evidence to the police. ) many couples getting divorced, that’s (Do not use contractions in a formal essay.) why people don’t tend to tie in (wrong verb) their relationship anymore. They keep it as a relation of boyfriend and girlfriend so that when love is no longer remain, (ungrammatical ) they can say goodbye without the involvement with the law. (unnatural)

In conclusion, women don’t take marriage as seriously as they were (wrong word) in the past because they can earn a ~~thei~~r salary. On becoming the owner of their life, a woman can decide whether or not to get married and marry whom themselves.(ungrammatical)

Purple teal 183 · Answer

Some people think, since women have started earning their own living, they no longer need a financial security which marriage provides. As a result of which women of many countries prefer to stay unmarried. In my opinion this is not true and I believe there are many factors which could have comprised women in taking such stand.

In many developed countries, women can be seen more successf

In many developed countries, women can be seen more successful and independent than their male counterparts. The quality of education, family and social values, and the overall liberated citizens of such countries could have been reasons behind this. The emergence of 20th century did not just bring the advancement of technologies but it made people realise the importance of being independent on all fronts in life. In previous generation, a girl child was seen as a liability towards the responsible male of the house, and marrying in an acceptable household was the only dream she was made to possess. However, this belief has changed drastically in the last hundred years and education has a commendable share in this. According to DIVA magazine, the ratio of women marrying in the year 2019 had dropped by 32% and the reason for this was quoted as the sense of fulfilment they feel in their professions.

Secondly, today's fast paced life demands more of one's time and energy for their profession, leaving them without the time for any other social activities. Being busy in progressing at a professional life could also be a reason for women choosing to stay unwed. People nowadays have started making less time for their families which once thought as a supreme medium of happiness thus altering the very definition of happy life.

In conclusion, money could be one of the reasons but demanding life-styles and professional commitments could also be the reasons why women choosing to stay away from matrimony.

ASK FOR WRITING CORRECTION-IELTS WRITING TASK 2-WOMAN NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED TO GET MARRIED

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