Articles, abbreviate styles, bulleted list items?

Question

Hello,I would be indescribably happy, if somebody could help me with the following problem.Translating some technical stuff from my native language into English, I've come across lists of features like the one that follows:"...Other benefits of the Marketing module• Keeping records of business partners and contact persons,• fast search and entry of contact persons and partners,• management and evaluation of campaigns,• and easy correspondence...."They usually look just like that, i.e. bulleted items, the first one capitalized and the last one ending in a full-stop, as if they formed a complete sentence altogether. And there's always a caption too.I cannot change the overall style much, meaning I can do something about the punctuation/capitalization, but need to preserve the bullets by all means.Many thanks for your advice or comments!Best,P.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

English style manuals require parallel structure and no punctuation.

Other benefits of the Marketing module:

• record keeping for business partners and contact persons
• fast search and entry for contact persons and partners
• management and evaluation of campaigns
• simplified correspondence

These benefits are in addition to....

Petusek · Answer

Thank you very much!

Petusek · Answer

Sorry to bother you again, but there's one thing that worries me a little.

In record keeping for business partners and contact persons, is the for not benefactive rather than merely attributive? I mean, will it not look as if the business partners asked someone to keep the records, so to speak, for the sake of them? Or is it just because there's a difference between the nominal record keeping and the verbal keep record in that the former is followed by for while the latter by of?

Again, thank you for your help. I appreciate it!

Petusek · Answer

I've just realized there's some more to bother you with. I hope you don't mind too much.

In the following passage, very similar in terms of form and function, I've deleted the initial articles in spite of the fact some of the nouns (icrease, level, evaluation) are singular countables, which normally do require determiners. Maybe I shouldn't have done so, since otherwise - at least to my non-native eye - the items lack conherence in that the reast of the nouns do have some articles.

What would you suggest here, if I may ask?

"...
Main Benefits

greater transparency of company activities
relevant data for decision-making
increase in labour productivity
cost reduction
higher level of data security
increase in the reliability of production processes or in the quality of production
effective evaluation of company activities, and controlling
..."

Mister Micawber · Answer

In record keeping for business partners and contact persons, is the for not benefactive rather than merely attributive? - No; this is a normal collocation. Native speakers use 'for' and other prepositions, where learners often fall back on 'of' as a default general preposition.

As for the following, I think the coherence is fine as you have it, with some changes that eliminate those pesky other articles:

Main Benefits

greater transparency of company activities
relevant data for decision-making
increase in labour productivity
cost reduction
higher level of data security
increase in reliability of production processes and in product quality
effective evaluation and control of company activities

Petusek · Answer

No; this is a normal collocation. Native speakers use 'for' and other prepositions, where learners often fall back on 'of' as a default general preposition.

That is a good thing to know! Thanks a lot!

effective evaluation and control of company activities

I used controlling as a technical term:

<http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/controlling.html>

Can it still be reworded the way you suggest?

The original text explicitly mentions controlling, which is unusual unless it is a technical term. I'm not sure if controlling of company activities would work then....the following might work though:

- controlling and effective evaluation of company activities

What do you think?

Petusek · Answer

Another bulleted list (should I rather make it a separate question?), if somebody can help.

Originally, I had the following:

• automatic verification of the creditworthiness of the partner using CreditCheck
• the possibility to bulk import the database of partners from Excel into K2
• using filters to compile a list of contacts appropriate for the campaign, a business offer, the distribution of general communication and others
• the depth and complexity of the evaluation of marketing activities adapt to the client's requirements
• automatic recording of persons responsible for the establishment, change or invalidation of the individual activities
• all events that take place with the partner and their contact persons are recorded on the contact card, giving rise to their individual diaries

But, following Mister Micawber's advice, I would now change it to:

• automatic verification of {creditworthiness of the partner}/{partner creditworthiness?} using CreditCheck
• possibility {or option?} to bulk import database of partners from MS Excel into [software name]
• using filters to form list of contacts suitable for campaign, business offer, distribution of general communication and others
• depth and complexity of evaluation of marketing activities adapted to client's requirements
• automatic recording of persons responsible for establishment, change or invalidation of individual activities
• recording all events taking place with the partner and their contact persons on contact card, thereby creating their individual diaries

I hope I haven't made it much worse, getting rid of all the articles! I will be really grateful for every piece of advice!

Best,

P.

Mister Micawber · Answer

petusekI used controlling as a technical term:<http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/controlling.html>Can it still be reworded the way you suggest?

That definition is not particularly technical. My rewording remains valid.

Mister Micawber · Answer

They need considerable tightening. I am unsure about the last two, but they seem to overlap into one concept:

• automatic verification of partner creditworthiness via CreditCheck
• bulk import of partner database from Excel into K2 if desired
• filtered compilation of contact lists for campaigns, business offers, and other communications
• sophisticated evaluation of marketing activities adapted to client requirements
• automatic record of individual diaries: staff activities and partner events with contact persons

Articles, abbreviate styles, bulleted list items?

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