Are these two sentences worded properly?

FYI- Kymas is the undead mage. Kymas and Umara traveled on a Thayan ship to Immurk’s Hold on Pirate Isle, where the undead mage, who was the senior of the two Red Wizards, instructed Umara to speak with Evendur. Umara met with Evendur in the temple of Umberlee to present him with Szass’s offer of an alliance between Thay and the Umberlants.