Are these two sentences worded properly?

Although the metallic dragons and their allies had defeated the Rage, the victory came at a high cost of life, and the bodies of the fallen were entombed on the battlefield surrounding the ancient stronghold. During that time, Nexus tried to convince Tamarand to assume the position of King of Justice, while Azhaq swore to himself to see to it that the Talons of Justice would endure even with the deaths of Havarlan and many of the fellowship’s other members.