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Rommel Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Are these sentences of mine very well written or not?

Are these sentences of mine very well written or not? 

Even though some young couples have sufficient money, they’re still swamped with debts because they have childish views of material possessions. They usually prioritize their ‘created needs’ such as gadgets, fashion, parties, etc. instead of their basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing. Thus, they bring misery upon themselves.
  

Top answer

Even though some young couples have sufficient money, they’re still swamped with debts because they have childish views about material possessions. They usually give higher priority to their ‘created needs’ such as gadgets, fashion and parties , than to their basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing . Thus, they bring misery upon themselves.

  • Even though some young couples have sufficient money, they’re still swamped with debts because they have childish views about material possessions.
  • They usually give higher priority to their ‘created needs’ such as gadgets, fashion and parties , than to their basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing .
  • Thus, they bring misery upon themselves.
  • If you say ' such as ', don't later in the sentence say etc.
  • Avoid etc in formal essay-style writing.
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8 Answers
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Even though some young couples have sufficient money, they’re still swamped with debts because they have childish views about material possessions. They usually give higher priority to their ‘created needs’ such as gadgets, fashion and parties, than to their basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing. Thus,
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Okay, Clive. I'll follow your instruction. Thank you.
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Clive, would it be fine if I use the expression 'due to their' instead of 'because they have' as follows?

Even though some young couples have sufficient money, they’re still swamped with debts due to their childish views about material possessions.
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Thank you, Clive, my dad. Emotion: smile
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Is there any other word I could use instead of have in the clause Even though some young couples have sufficient money?
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Thank you, Clive. What a brilliant mind you have!

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