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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Are these sentences correctly structured and worded?

The ancient gold dragon Lareth, the King of Justice and the elected sovereign of the gold dragons, sensed that the Rage of Dragons was going to soon begin. Lareth convened a conclave within the Galena Mountains in which dozens of metallic dragons gathered to discuss the coming frenzy. Lareth knew that this Rage would somehow be more terrible than previous ones and that the metallic dragons’ usual tactics to escape the madness would be insufficient, so he convinced most of the assembled wyrms that their only option was to establish secret refuges across Faerûn where they would gather when it became necessary and submit to a powerful enchantment that would bind them to slumber until the Rage subsided.
  

Top answer

Add a comma after "Justice" in the first line. It's good for keeping the "list" clear. The comma after 'dragons' in the same line isn't necessary.

— Philip

  • Add a comma after "Justice" in the first line.
  • It's good for keeping the "list" clear.
  • The comma after 'dragons' in the same line isn't necessary.
  • The list is over, and we don't separate the subject(s) from the verb.
  • became necessary and submit to I would add 'to' before 'submit' for parallel structure with 'to establish'
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8 Answers
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Add a comma after "Justice" in the first line. It's good for keeping the "list" clear. The comma after 'dragons' in the same line isn't necessary. The list is over, and we don't separate the subject(s) from the verb.
became necessary and submit to I would add 'to' before 'submit' for parallel structure with 'to
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Thanks for your help. The first sentence is not a list, Lareth is the only subject and those other names are his tiitles, so how should I word and structure that part?
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No thes - King of Justice and elected sovereign - I think that would work.
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Thanks, would this revision be better? The ancient gold dragon Lareth, the King of Justice, the elected sovereign of the gold dragons, sensed that the Rage of Dragons was going to soon begin.
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cboutin3Thanks, would this revision be better? The ancient gold dragon Lareth, the King of Justice, the and elected sovereign of the gold dragons, sensed that the Rage of Dragons was going to soon begin.
...the King of Justice and elected sovereign...
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Thanks for all your help, but I actually looked at the novel that I am writing about again and "King of Justice" is the title for the "elected sovereign..." so which way do you think I should word the sentence?
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As I indicated, I think.
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Okay perfect, thanks!
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