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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Are these sentences all worded correctly?

The next morning, a quartet of soldiers from the Army of the North led by Frez arrived at the Golden House to inform Tol that important news had arrived from the empire. Couriers from Daltigoth had arrived in the imperial camp that morning to relate the news that Pakin III was dead. With the emperor’s death, the capital’s warlords pledged their loyalty to Amaltar, and all of the high-ranking imperial warlords, including Tol, had been summoned to Daltigoth to attend the coronation. Only Regobart was excused, since he had to conclude the negotiations with Tarsis.
  

Top answer

The next morning, Frez and a quartet of soldiers from the Army of the North arrived at the Golden House to inform Tol that important news had arrived from the empire. Couriers from Daltigoth had announced that Pakin III was dead. With the emperor’s death, the capital’s warlords had pledged their loyalty to Amaltar, and all of the high-ranking imperial warlords, including Tol, had been summoned for the coronation.

— Mister Micawber

  • The next morning, Frez and a quartet of soldiers from the Army of the North arrived at the Golden House to inform Tol that important news had arrived from the empire.
  • Couriers from Daltigoth had announced that Pakin III was dead.
  • With the emperor’s death, the capital’s warlords had pledged their loyalty to Amaltar, and all of the high-ranking imperial warlords, including Tol, had been summoned for the coronation.
  • Only Regobart was excused, since he had to conclude the negotiations with Tarsis.
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4 Answers
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The next morning, Frez and a quartet of soldiers from the Army of the North arrived at the Golden House to inform Tol that important news had arrived from the empire. Couriers from Daltigoth had announced that Pakin III was dead. With the emperor’s death, the capital’s warlords had pledged their loyalty to Amaltar, and all of the high-ranking imperial warlords, including Tol, had been summoned
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I really see nothing wrong about this sentence... Why can't a group of soldiers by led by someone? If he is their leader then I suppose that's okay...

The next morning, a quartet of soldiers from the Army of the North led by Frez arrived at the Golden House to inform Tol that important news had arrived from the empire.
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Perfect StrangerI really see nothing wrong about this sentence... Why can't a group of soldiers by led by someone?
Of course, they can be—but it is too wordy, and the passive voice is already far too pervasive in the long, long narrative of which this paragraph is only a small fraction. How many of cboutin's posts have you read, PS? I've read virtually all o
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Mister MicawberHow many of cboutin's posts have you read, PS?
I see. Well, this one is the first one.
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